You may only read this site if you've purchased Our Kampf from Amazon or Powell's or me
• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show

"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket

"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

January 27, 2005

ABOUT THIS SITE

The name of this site is explained here.

My name is Jon Schwarz; I'm a writer and have contributed (often with Michael Gerber, author of the bestselling Barry Trotter parodies) to many publications, including the New Yorker, New York Times, Atlantic, Wall Street Journal, Slate, Mother Jones, Esquire, Village Voice and McSweeney's. Mike and I have also written material for Saturday Night Live and National Public Radio. Our pieces have appeared in numerous anthologies, including Fierce Pajamas, a collection of the best humor from the first 75 years of the New Yorker. When I get around to it, I'll put up links to pieces of ours/mine that are online.

I often appear on radio across the US to discuss the only two political subjects I know anything about. These are Iraq's non-existent WMD (I bet someone $1000 Iraq had nothing) and Social Security.

Despite my fear and hatred of politics, I've worked for a few political organizations, such as the 2004 Kucinich presidential campaign and After Downing Street.

Since fall, 2007, mathematician/troublemaker Bernard Chazelle also posts here.

[A penguin-themed joke that used to be here has been removed because I got tired of it.]

Posted at January 27, 2005 10:28 AM
Comments

Well, this is embarrassing. All this time I've been thinking this blog was the work of Jonathan Schwartz, the delightfully dotty loose-cannon Sunday afternoon radio host on NPR. I mean, I was wondering why you never went off on tangents about the genius of various torch singers, or told meandering personal anecdotes that trailed off into silence, but I figured maybe you had an online staff that screened that stuff out. And now I find out you're a totally different person entirely. Is my face red! What a difference a "t" makes!

(Although I believe you are both penguins.)

Posted by: inkywretch at January 27, 2005 12:59 PM

You're a penguin and you love salmon?! That is sick.

Posted by: mk at January 27, 2005 02:30 PM

Since you're a penguin, could we ever really meet in person?

Posted by: blondie at January 27, 2005 06:02 PM

I almost fell for the Schwartz/Schwarz confusion too. But then I remembered I had yet to see a mention of Frank Sinatra on the site.

Posted by: jazzdocent at January 27, 2005 06:29 PM

So, Tom Tomorrow modelled his main character on you? I see, how was it like posing nude in the studio all day so that he could model you?

Posted by: Hee En Ming at January 27, 2005 08:26 PM

I don't think our host was posing nude - he had his feathers on, I believe. It is Man who is the featherless biped, according to the late great philosopher ___________ (does it begin with A?).

Posted by: mistah charley, ph.d. at January 28, 2005 12:26 PM

Ah, but penguins are sexy. Why on Earth would you be ashamed of that, dearest Mr. Schwartz?

I do know another penguin, but he isn't Jonathan. Or Schwartz. Or George Orwell.

Posted by: Jackie at April 13, 2005 04:24 PM

If you're really a penguin, what was the number one travel destination of all penguins between the years 1909 and 1935?

I give you a hint...

Next time...

Posted by: Stikman Stanter at May 28, 2005 11:45 PM

I'll be investigating your penguin-ass.

Call me when I'm through!!!!

I'm satisfied!

Posted by: Fitzwalter Herrindontalparcton at May 28, 2005 11:50 PM

I feel the liquid coming towards my legs.

I'm running faster than ever!

bastards!!!!

Posted by: Sitermielstone Tramsterhinteintitz at May 29, 2005 04:13 PM

Who runs faster than me?

I've also got more stuff for sale this week.

MARK IT DOWN!!!!

Posted by: Plugman Bontwitzkermetzingerhopf at June 3, 2005 04:42 PM

For anyone who has read the last few comments and become confused—this is part of a long-standing, private dispute between myself and Messrs. Stanton, Herrindontalparcton, Tramsterhinteintitz, and Bontwitzkermetzingerhopf.

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at June 3, 2005 04:48 PM

I WOULD NEVER MARK THAT DOWN!

REMEMBER MY PERSONAL INFO!

Posted by: Ligish Tolbertratskilpoparlingthbithbothaltentristcuid at June 3, 2005 04:49 PM

So many wars I have won in just this manner.

THIS BATTLE WILL RESUME NEXT YEAR WHEN MY STRENGTH IS 500-FOLD.

AND MY MASS IS HIGH ON THE GREAT CHARTS.

Posted by: Thomal Kinderkintercripserlispanholderpinttz & Friends at June 3, 2005 04:54 PM

Just found your site. While I like the name—I’m afraid what we REALLY need is a GIANT revolution. (Thomas Jefferson said “This country needs a revolution every twenty years.” He also said: "If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption.")

A group of long-time insulin-using diabetics have been trying for a number of years to accomplish the continued supply of animal insulins in the U.S. Alas, the following message indicates that we have obviously failed. I wish you would consider this (or your own re-written version) for inclusion in your weblog.

The following article, which appeared in the Indianapolis Star on 08/27/05, indicates the "callousness" of Eli Lilly . . . but does not address the fact of how the insulin-using population has been manipulated to ensure that Lilly has a monopolistic stranglehold on the market.

Since the mid-1980s, Lilly has promoted its cheaply-produced rDNA insulin, warning doctors and patients of the impending withdrawal of the old standard animal insulins. AND, they have systematically withdrawn one animal insulin after another from the market. New diabetics, new doctors and new pharmacists do not even KNOW about animal insulin, and its safety and efficacy (compared to the new stuff.) They have been "brainwashed" to believe that animal insulins are dirty.

Without a true basis for comparison, and with a manufacturer who essentially controls the marketplace, they can now--after 20 years--say that their rDNA insulin is "the most popular" and/or "the most used." With powerful Bush-family backing, they have stayed below the radar of consumer advocates as well as the Justice Department's anti-trust overseers. The number of diabetics who have been harmed by the rDNA insulin is unknowable, but the entire chronicle is appalling.

That diabetics have over the course of 20 years been forced to "choose" between a couple of inferior products to manage their disease should have the media's watchful eyes fully opened. Alas, no one seems to recognize that when a marketing/business plan serves to enslave one needful group of patients . . . it will work for others, and eventually, it will work for the masses. You can see that a small news article, presented in an informative but non-confrontational manner, does little to arouse a sleepy public to the dangers being permitted by our governmental watchdog agencies. Pleas to the FDA are answered by a "canned" response that they cannot force a manufacturer to produce (or to continue to produce) a product, regardless of its medical necessity.

The government may not be able to "force" such an action . . . but by requiring a drug to be as safe and efficacious as an already-approved drug . . . by requiring batch testing of insulin production . . . by correctly placing rDNA insulin under bio-tech regulations instead of the more prosaic “medicine” category, and by CAREFULLY scrutinizing the studies supporting approval request, they could certainly serve their purpose of protecting the public. Until someone arouses a sleeping public, Lilly and its ilk continue to profit and grow fat while diabetics continue to become statistics in some unread governmental report.

[Isn’t is newsworthy that another Lilly product—Zyprexa—actually causes those users to become diabetic. Talk about market manipulation!—Lilly is actually ADDING to its customer base. Somehow, this seems to be the ULTIMATE in market manipulation!]

http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050827/BUSINESS/508270362&SearchID=73218625567355

Posted by: Brent Hoadley, Ph.D. at August 30, 2005 10:43 AM