You may only read this site if you've purchased Our Kampf from Amazon or Powell's or me
• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show

"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket

"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

April 14, 2011

Then They Came for Dana Milbank

For the past 20 years, as the U.S. middle class has quietly collapsed, Dana Milbank has made a great living as a media liberal who constantly ridicules liberals. But recently it seemed as though he'd suddenly noticed something was going on. Why? Because it was happening to him and his "brand-name MBA" wife, who were being screwed by Citibank after they'd refinanced their mortgage. (In fact, while he didn't mention it, his wife actually once worked for Citibank.) Now Milbank understood that "big banks" needed to be "brought to heel."

Except...after his brief encounter with reality, Milbank has gone right back to telling us what losers liberals are. Did you know the House Progressive Caucus has come up with some kind of preposterous socialist budget? But they didn't move the press conference inside even though it was raining! And they were all carrying umbrellas! What a bunch of nimrods! Ha ha ha ha ha ha oh crap look at the caller ID that's Citibank again ha ha ha ha ha ha!

• • •

First they came for the welfare mothers, but I did not speak out, because I was a member of Skull & Bones.

Then they came for middle-class manufacturing unions, but I did not speak out, because I had to get to a party at Marty Peretz's.

Then they came for the upper middle class people who didn't have columns in the Washington Post, but I did not speak out, because Dennis Kucinich is short.

And then they came for me...and I was STILL so fucking stupid that I spent my time making fun of the House Progressive Caucus.

—Jonathan Schwarz

Posted at April 14, 2011 10:19 PM

LMAO. As always.

Posted by: Robert Naiman at April 14, 2011 10:34 PM

Great one Mr Schwarz.
I agree with you. Is this how a YALE graduate writes a column for a national newspaper?
I have never read his columns but judging from the one I just read, is there any hope for him... in more than one ways? May be he will want a 'preposterous socialist budget' if Republican budget causes cuts in healthcare and he or his wife will have to go to the drug store for their health care needs!!!!

Posted by: Rupa Shah at April 14, 2011 11:27 PM

I would like to vote for much more of this funny stuff and much less of that other guy, who is so relentlessly depressing.

Posted by: Aaron Datesman at April 14, 2011 11:31 PM

Aaron, I second you wholeheartedly on "I would like to vote for much more of this funny stuff".

Posted by: Rupa Shah at April 14, 2011 11:48 PM

(This is good.)

Posted by: wetcasements at April 15, 2011 12:09 AM

Then they came for the upper middle class people who didn't have columns in the Washington Post, but I did not speak out, because *Michael Moore is fat*.

Fixed. (Yes, I'm just picking nits, and not even that well, but SOMEONE has to maintain the standards around here)

Posted by: SFAW at April 15, 2011 12:47 AM

Then they came for the honest CEO who refused to play ball . . .

Then they came for the CEO who would play ball, but who wasn't related to one of the 20 families. . .

Posted by: ferd at April 15, 2011 01:06 AM

Is that the same Dana Millbank that identified the Bowles-Simpson Memo as the "Final Solution" budget "deficent"?

Posted by: irishdave3 at April 15, 2011 01:30 AM

Dude, waiting for Dana Milbank to reach enlightenment is like waiting for something that's unlikely to happen to happen. Exactly like it, in fact. No point in torturing yourself. Or if you insist on torturing yourself, go with a real pro.

Posted by: John Caruso at April 15, 2011 02:17 AM

Classic Schwarz. I'm reminded of "Frank Luntz's decent into madness continues"

Posted by: Jonathan Versen at April 15, 2011 02:35 AM

I prefer it to the original, which I have always felt was a bit touchy-feely.

Posted by: Not Errol Flynn at April 15, 2011 03:42 AM

I always thought Dana Millbank was a pissant.

Posted by: Ellyn at April 15, 2011 04:29 AM

Wow, nice.
It's pretty much an axiom that those in power (or their sycophants) continue their behavior precisely because they are not affected by it themselves. But when they are, and they continue their overblown pundit blathering, against all evidence, out of some kind of rigid, blind class loyalty, they have earned the right to be ridiculed and totally ignored.
Who the hell is Dana Milbank anyway, and why is he cluttering up my Internet?

Posted by: Rob at April 15, 2011 06:58 AM

It really doesn't get better than "Then they came for Dana Milbank"--that's just priceless.

But I think people should recognize the contribution of Dana Milbank's parents, who gave him the name he has lived up to. I say put him in a room with Howard Kurtz and wait to see which of them can bore the other to death first.

Posted by: N E at April 15, 2011 07:07 AM

Oh my goodness, this is fabuloso. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Unrealistically socialistically yours,

aka litbrit

Posted by: litbrit at April 15, 2011 07:21 AM

Ruth Marcus of the WaPo is another Yalie. Even when she was at Yale, back in the 1970's, she was a woman of abundant but unremarkable opinions.

Posted by: RobNYNY1957 at April 15, 2011 07:46 AM

Back when I used to read the Washington Post regularly, or watch or listen to the bloviation news panel shows, I used the following mnemonic to distinguish Dana Milbank from his fellow WP writer Dana Priest (the latter is the one worth paying attention to, in my opinion) - Priest is, contrary to the rules of the Church of Rome, female, and Milbank is not.

Posted by: mistah charley, ph.d. at April 15, 2011 08:00 AM

Following up mistah charley's helpful guide, a further distinction that might come in handy: Dana Milbank's first name is pronounced Day-na; Dana Priest's is pronounced Dan-na (her dad was hoping for a boy he planned to name Dan).

Posted by: Nell at April 15, 2011 10:53 AM

Great post, Jon. Milbank's piece on the People's Budget presser has a lot in common with his disgusting coverage-by-mockery of Conyers' near-hearing on the Downing Street Memo in 2005, that had to be held in a basement because the Republicans (then as now in control of the House) wouldn't allow a real hearing, nor the use of any regular Congressional meeting rooms.

[A point to add to mistah charley's helpful guide to the Danas: Milbank's name is pronounced Day-na; Priest's name is pronounced Dan-na (her dad was hoping for a boy he planned to name Dan).]

Posted by: Nell at April 15, 2011 11:09 AM

Oops, sorry for the repetition -- it took a while for the first comment to post and I thought I'd blitzed it by accident.

Posted by: Nell at April 15, 2011 11:12 AM

This is SUPER FUNNY. (That's like regular funny, only with flight and heat vision.)

"abundant but unremarkable opinions"

Good to see you here again, Jon--I was about to email "Come back, Bob, all is forgiven," SJ Perelman's plea to a retired Robert Benchley.

Posted by: Mike of Angle at April 15, 2011 12:51 PM

ok now datesman has to rhyme cesium-137.

Posted by: hapa at April 15, 2011 01:12 PM

Classic Schwarz. I'm reminded of "Frank Luntz's decent into madness continues"

I don't believe Luntz's name and " the word "decent" should appear in the same sentence.

Posted by: darrelplant at April 15, 2011 09:30 PM

I love you, man. No homo.

Posted by: mrbwaffles at April 16, 2011 03:15 AM

Just discovered this site thanks to a link from the comments on Milbank's putrid screed.
Nice site, and great commenters too!

Posted by: bobsoperjr at April 16, 2011 01:10 PM

I love you, Johathan Schwartz - Dana Milbank has always struck me as a cynic with no skin in the game and I was glad when Keith Olbermann figured it out and called him on his mendacity and Milbank refused to correct himself and KO banished him from his show. That was great. So are you.

Posted by: Maezeppa at April 17, 2011 04:49 PM


Posted by: Amandasaurus at April 17, 2011 09:22 PM

Really, even the funny stuff is depressing stuff.

Posted by: Amandasaurus at April 20, 2011 12:30 PM