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August 10, 2006

As Per Usual, My Kind Are Being Discriminated Against

I doubt anyone will even notice this bigoted aspect of the newest London bombing plot:

Officials were requiring passengers to check everything except personal items like keys, wallets, and passports, which they had to carry in plastic bags. Drinks and other liquid items were banned. Travelers were required to remove spectacles or sunglasses from their cases, and those traveling with infants were required to taste any baby milk in front of security officials.

And what about those who, like myself, have mated with women from Planet Voltran and now have young children who drink nitroglycerin? Will our needs be ignored completely?

Of course they will. Typical.

Posted at August 10, 2006 09:29 AM | TrackBack

Maybe you and your family rather travel by car or boat, less intrusive.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at August 10, 2006 09:55 AM

That's nothing; here's Marvin Flynn from Robert Sheckley's Mindswap (1966) wondering if he is on Earth or still trapped in the Twisted World:

Was he on Earth or was he on replica of Earth?
Might there not be some significant detail inconsistent with the Earth he had left? Might there not be several details? Marvin tried to find out for the sake of his peace of mind. He explored Stanhope and its environs, looked and tested and checked the flora and fauna.
Nothing seemed to be amiss. Life went on as usual; his father tended his herds of rats, and his mother placidly continued to lay eggs.
He went north to Boston and New York, then farther south to the vast Philadelphia-Los Angeles area. Everything seemed in order. He contemplated crossing the continent on the mighty Delaware River and continuing his search in the California cities of Schenectady, Milwaukee, and Shanghai.
He changed his mind however, realizing that there was no sense in spending his life trying to discover whether or not he had a life to spend.

Posted by: abb1 at August 10, 2006 10:22 AM

Today's three month weather forcast:

Increasing terrorist threat from August to November which should dissipate with a low pressure trough moving in from the Atlantic right after the November elections.

Orange Alert:

Roving bands of oranges are terrorizing Washington residents. Oranges inflamed by orange juice consumption were plotting to attack orange juice stands throughout much of Washington. Some say it was a planned preemptive attack on our freedom and right to drink orange juice.

Chertoff called the plot "a very sophisticated plan and operation" that was close to realization. "They had accumulated the capability necessary, and they were well on their way," he said at a televised news conference in Washington.

Paul Stephenson, the deputy Metropolitan Police commissioner, spoke of "an extraordinarily serious plot terrorist oranges."

"We are confident that we have stopped an attempt to create mass murder on an unimaginable scale," he said.

Posted by: rob payne at August 10, 2006 12:31 PM

Aw! When will someone develop a delicious liquid explosive for today's lifestyle?

Posted by: Seen and Heard at August 10, 2006 02:08 PM

You thought you could fool us, didn't you? The atmosphere on Voltran never supported the existence of women. You really thought none of us ever read "Frauen im Weltall," Vol. XXVI, by Professor Julius Ohrenschmalz of the Technische Hochschule in Glogau,did you?
Better luck next time.

Posted by: donescobar at August 10, 2006 02:16 PM

My Goodness! Of course there is an explosive new drink for today's lifestyle. They call it diarrhea.

Posted by: rob payne at August 10, 2006 02:31 PM

Tell me about it.
Oh, and by the by,I wonder how Osama is doing these dayd. I'd like to see that BASTARD HANG. (in New York)

Posted by: Mike Meyer at August 10, 2006 04:58 PM

Explosive liquids make a lot of sense, and I've been stopped at the gate many times and asked to take a swig from each of my water bottles. (Yeah, I get "random" searched a lot.) I just don't think it's a very good test--if you're prepared to kill yourself in a few hours, why would downing a shot of nasty chemical X be so bad? I wouldn't mind not taking a drink on board if they'd just be better about supplying water themselves.

Posted by: Saheli at August 10, 2006 06:24 PM

Hmmm, all those terrorist mums...I reckon they should be strip searched and made to suck their own nipples to make sure they don't have 'terror-tits'! Just the job for neanderthal homeland thugs...

Posted by: GreginOz at August 11, 2006 01:13 AM

Mike you forget Bush said bin Laden was no longer important because we needed flowers from Iraq.

Posted by: rob payne at August 11, 2006 02:55 AM

I guess this means that ordering an overpriced Bloody Mary on the plane is now an act of terrorism. Off with my head!!!

Posted by: americanintifada at August 11, 2006 04:07 AM

I had indeed heard a rumor to the effect that the Voltrans had bested the Borg - it's hard to know whether to weep or cheer if there are truly offspring involved. We need to see pictures to settle all doubts.

Posted by: Jesus B. Ochoa at August 11, 2006 10:23 AM