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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

April 05, 2006


For a while the New Yorker has run cartoon caption contests—i.e., they supply the cartoon and ask readers to supply the caption. They used to do it once a year, but it was so popular they now do it every week.

Here's this week's cartoon, by Gahan Wilson. I think you'll agree it's fertile with possibility. One that occurs to me is below.

I also hope you may have some ideas of your own. If you want, you can enter them here.

"Please, we don't call them uncanny. They're differently canny."

Posted at April 5, 2006 10:55 AM | TrackBack

Or maybe:

"Get used to what?"

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at April 5, 2006 11:15 AM

"Still think 'Open Borders' is a good idea?"

Posted by: donescobar at April 5, 2006 11:37 AM

I love Gahan. Personally, I think his captions are better.

It has been pointed out that the correct caption to every New Yorker cartoon caption contest is: "Christ, what an asshole."

I tend to agree.

Posted by: Alexis S at April 5, 2006 12:30 PM

"Once again, Constance, your ability to conjure up multiple sightings of zero-gravity children has cost us another swell apartment!"

Posted by: solomon at April 5, 2006 01:12 PM

"I'm crazy?! Who's the one who thinks she sees a hallway and doors?"

Posted by: Tracy Q. at April 5, 2006 01:14 PM

"Cogent?! Cogent?! What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

Posted by: Tracy Q. at April 5, 2006 01:18 PM

Well, it IS a school for gifted children after all.

Posted by: geeno at April 5, 2006 02:03 PM

"I say it's the Ritalin."

More as they occur.

Posted by: Mike of Rugoren at April 5, 2006 02:03 PM

"Just keep the candy out of sight and we may get outta here yet."

Posted by: Silas at April 5, 2006 02:48 PM

I liked it better when it was so full of stars.

Posted by: patrick at April 5, 2006 03:06 PM

"Zing goes the information -- flush goes the content. It's as simple as that!"

Posted by: Carrie Bass at April 5, 2006 03:07 PM

"Did I ever tell you what a genius Hitchens is?"

Posted by: Peter K. at April 5, 2006 03:09 PM

I entered

"I told you that not paying the children's gravity bill would yield a host of unexpected benefits."

but yours is much more cogent.

Posted by: Jonathan Versen at April 5, 2006 03:12 PM

"Canonization is fine for a time, Gwen, but good God, people grow out of it."

Posted by: mimi at April 5, 2006 03:19 PM

"No doubt about it -- this is the most poorly run abortion clinic I've ever seen."

Posted by: Tremors II at April 5, 2006 03:20 PM

"If any more kids show up, we're going to have to buy more nails!"


Touring the day-care center onboard the international space station.


"Somehow, in here, the invasion of Iraq makes sense."

Posted by: Bob at April 5, 2006 03:27 PM

"Remind me, whose idea was it to let them study radioactive spiders?"

Posted by: Mike of Rugoren at April 5, 2006 03:30 PM

"Resplendent isn't the word I'm looking for here."

Posted by: tony t. at April 5, 2006 03:35 PM

God, how I hate those illegal aliens!

Posted by: at April 5, 2006 03:41 PM

This is unfortunately not suitable for entry, but:

"You know, this is just going to make it harder to kick the little fuckers."

Posted by: saurabh at April 5, 2006 05:14 PM

Several school dsitricts, having whet their appetite on zero-tolerance, experiment with zero-gravity.


The one school that No Child Left Behind actually works for.


Little did the administration realize that excessive use of tasers in schools made the children magnetic.

Posted by: Jake at April 5, 2006 06:32 PM

"'Ennicup.' I believe he said his name was Eupie Ennicup."

Posted by: Mike at April 5, 2006 07:18 PM

Careful. Smells like the boy above you just pinched a loaf.

Posted by: oyster at April 5, 2006 10:36 PM

"Damn. This shit is good, man."

Posted by: abb1 at April 6, 2006 05:28 AM

"There are children all over the walls. That's odd."

Posted by: Miss Literal at April 6, 2006 07:06 AM

"Oh, they stopped squirming once I dipped them in shellac. The tough part was finding the right sized nails."

Posted by: axis of Evel Knievel at April 6, 2006 11:20 AM

Y'know, even if you only see a few of them, that means there are another thousand behind the walls...

Posted by: Bob Harris at April 6, 2006 12:51 PM

"Here at the Southern Baptist Kindergarten our god-fearing children understand that gravity is just a liberal secular theory".

Posted by: floopmeister at April 6, 2006 10:20 PM

I've actually just been submitting "The Aristocrats!" as an answer to all of them, but I have to admit that it lacks the directness of "Christ, what an asshole."

Posted by: Sully at April 7, 2006 08:25 AM

The Future of Yr. Children - now that Wall Street has Stolen & Destroyed Absolutely Everything.

Posted by: EnoughAlready at April 7, 2006 01:57 PM

"The floor is for adults only."

Posted by: paradoctor at April 8, 2006 06:34 PM

That's the last time we let Willie Nelson's kid chair the bakesale committee.

Posted by: at April 10, 2006 06:32 PM

Floopmeister is the winner!

Posted by: me at April 11, 2006 01:09 PM