or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
•
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
February 10, 2005
You Have Dysentery? Fantastic! That's Uniquely American!
You may have already seen this wonderful exchange between a woman named Mary Mornin and George Bush on his "Let's Destroy Social Security Tour":
MS. MORNIN: Okay, I'm a divorced, single [57 year-old] mother with three grown, adult children. I have one child, Robbie, who is mentally challenged, and I have two daughters.THE PRESIDENT: Fantastic. First of all, you've got the hardest job in
America, being a single mom...MS. MORNIN: I work three jobs and I feel like I contribute.
THE PRESIDENT: You work three jobs?
MS. MORNIN: Three jobs, yes.
THE PRESIDENT: Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that
you're doing that. (Applause.) Get any sleep? (Laughter.)MS. MORNIN: Not much. Not much.
The amazing thing's that George Bush probably believes this is true--ie, that no one else on Planet Earth works three jobs. All those foreigners are slacking.
And yet all over the world, people do work three jobs. Just not in first world countries. In other first world countries, people working three jobs in order to survive is generally seen as a bad thing... particularly when they have retarded children who might actually need them at home. In other first world countries, Bush's audience would have risen up and stoned him for saying Mornin's situation is "fantastic!" But not in America.
MS. MORNIN: I work three jobs and I feel like I contribute.Posted at February 10, 2005 11:55 PM | TrackBackTHE PRESIDENT: Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that
you're doing that. (Applause.) Get any sleep? (Laughter.)MS. MORNIN: Not much. That's because I also have cholera.
THE PRESIDENT: Fantastic! That's uniquely American! (Applause.) I bet you spend a lot of time in the bathroom, what with all the vomiting and diarrhea! (Laughter.)
MS. MORNIN: Well, I don't really have a bathroom, because we were evicted from our apartment. Now we live on the gigantic garbage heap on the edge of town.
THE PRESIDENT: That's fantastic! (Applause.) I bet at night it gets pretty damn cold! (Laughter.)
MS. MORNIN: It does, it does.
THE PRESIDENT: Fantastic!
Bush: It's too bad I could not have given you more jobs...since they're in India and China right now!
Posted by: Hee En Ming at February 11, 2005 08:37 AMWait, that first version actually happened? You're shitting me.
Posted by: Omar K. Ravenhurst at February 11, 2005 01:07 PMWe would never shit you or anyone. That's BushCo's jurisdiction.
Posted by: mk at February 11, 2005 01:17 PMYou folks really owe it to yourself to read the whole oily exchange at the link Jon so helpfully provided. This woman's basic question was, I'm willing to believe you when you say you need to mess with Social Security for future generations, but will the system keep working as it has been long enough for me to get MY benefits? And Bush replied, "It's an interesting point, and I hear this a lot -- will
the system be the same for me? And the answer is, absolutely. ...Hopefully, this will help you get to sleep, to know that when we talk about Social Security, nothing changes."
I know I'll sleep better tonight, knowing that baby boomers will get theirs!
Yaaaaaay!
I'm retarded!
What's uniquely American is that some people work so hard for so little, surrounded by so much wealth and so many others who have so much handed to them. It's a uniquely American disgrace, really. Some day we'll get a little bit civilized and shudder at the ignominy of our past when tens of millions of our own citizens had to choose between buying their kids dinner or medicine. jesus h. crap.
Posted by: jerry at February 11, 2005 04:53 PMBush himself works three jobs: President, agent for the Iranian government, and professional body-builder.
Posted by: Adam Kotsko at February 11, 2005 06:20 PMIn the full transcript, he adds: "Need some wood?"
Posted by: Adam Kotsko at February 11, 2005 06:20 PMFantastic!
Posted by: mk at February 11, 2005 10:50 PM
