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February 09, 2005

Women Find It Really Hot When You Hate America

Ladies! I have an important question.

Ann Coulter just went on MSNBC to talk about Ward "Roosting Chickens" Churchill, and explained:

These guys want to go around acting like big radicals, getting laid by co-eds with hairy armpits who probably don't like men...

Here's what I need to know: if I get my act together, I could probably act like a big radical. But which women, specifically, are going to go for this? Will it be only coeds with hairy armpits who probably don't like men?

I don't want to seem greedy. I mean, getting all the coeds with hairy armpits who probably don't like men should be more than enough. But... if my acting like a big radical will be found appealing by such a small subset of women, a small subset that probably doesn't like men, isn't it possible my big radical act will be found attractive by other women too? That is, I could get the coeds with hairy armpits who probably don't like men, and:

non-coeds with hairy armpits who probably don't like men
• coeds with hairy armpits who probably do like men
• coeds without hairy armpits who probably don't like men

...or some combination thereof?

Do you see what I'm saying? I've created a Venn diagram, below, which should clarify what I'm asking.

Please hurry, I need to know soon.

(Via Crooks and Liars, via Buzzflash.)

Posted at February 9, 2005 09:07 AM | TrackBack

I don't know ... if your questions are answered, you may try some of that "simulate[d] interracial sex" that upset Coulter so much.

Posted by: blondie at February 9, 2005 10:09 AM

Now, wait a second. How would 'she' know? After all, has anyone caught a glimpse of A.C.'s armpits?? HUH?! Perhaps the hairy-pitted misandrist A.C. gets off on humping radicals*. I suggest Jonathan offer his body to science in the quest of answering this burning issue. And correct his Ven diagram accordingly.

*Now there's a sexual prediliction I defy anyone to name.

Posted by: mk at February 9, 2005 10:21 AM

My God! That was amazing!

thank you.

Posted by: Anthony Smith at February 9, 2005 11:01 AM



Posted by: Matthew Sullivan at February 9, 2005 12:08 PM

But what about the men with hairy armpits who don't like women?

This made me laugh out loud!

Posted by: Ravenmn at February 9, 2005 04:48 PM

Okay, I'm a duuuude, maaannn, but I'm gonna try to save you from this reckless supposition.

Be very careful, because I think there's a paradox at work here.

Ann Coulter - bless her malignant little chicken gizzard heart - clearly gets hot & bothered by America-hating liberals. Haven't you ever seen her and Bill Maher together? They're like a couple of horny eighth-graders. Iggg. It's a spectacle I can't tolerate, and I've got an iron gut.

Maybe you should put the question to the publicity-starved nymphoblogger Wonkette. It would seem to be a topic right up her alley... pun intended.

Posted by: Smythely at February 9, 2005 10:13 PM

Has anyone heard of the band A.C. (Anal Cunt)? Weird, wild stuff.

Posted by: Tim at February 10, 2005 03:32 AM

Is there a category for hairy-armpitted, America-hating female students (who do or don't like men) who object to the term "coed" being used to mean "female student"? Strictly speaking, "coed" should mean *any* student, male or female, at a coeducational institution. Is it possible Coulter was using it this way? 'Cause that would require a whole other diagram. (It would make the "hairy armpit" bubble bigger, for one thing.)

For that matter, what about hairy-armpitted, radical-loving, probably lesbian students at NON-coeducational institutions? Aren't you leaving out a (probably very large) segment of the population here? Assuming the rest of Coulter's observation is sound, including the womyn of women's colleges would probably increase your pool of potential paramours to a considerable degree.

Posted by: inkywretch at February 10, 2005 09:07 AM

1. We know that Ann Coulter was at one time a Co-ed.
2. We know from the comment itself (and from many, many other comments) that Ann Coulter probably does not like men.
3. We have mk's proposal that Ann's armpits may be hairy (and lets admit it, we all wondered about that at once).

Can we then assume that Ann Coulter herself at one time laid multiple big radicals (she used the plural in her statement) on her campus?

Could it be that her entire hatred of Democrats stems from her own self-conceived humiliating experiences... experiences which she relives from time to time on the sofa of her psychiatrist on Tuesday afternoons?

Is it possible that Ann occasionally, in her many visits to college campuses across the country, occasionally "falls off the wagon", only to wake up in the dorm room of some big radical?

And from this, may we perhaps draw the conclusion that one day, Jon himself, while doing a campus radio show, may come across Ann at just the necessary order to experience the very thing at the source?

Frightening thoughts.

Posted by: Alexis at February 10, 2005 11:03 AM

I think Alex might be on to someone here. That might have been more happily phrased. Keep it up, Alex. You, too, Jonathan!!!

Posted by: Jim Shanahan at February 10, 2005 12:21 PM

if you *can* even get it up, much less keep it up after this...


Posted by: bunnyhaid at February 10, 2005 05:06 PM

ignore syntax, please. thrilled to see this, became confused/disoriented. lost grip on grammar.

minus hairy armpits over the years, so depressing. they just fall out and don't grow back...

Posted by: bunnyhaid at February 10, 2005 05:58 PM

I'm willing to wonder about any number of things, but I'd rather not wonder about Ann Coulter's armpits if it's all the same to you.

Posted by: Hugo at February 10, 2005 09:48 PM

I'm a hot, hairless non-coed who hates Ann Coulter and I'd do a radical.

Posted by: Maezeppa at February 10, 2005 11:19 PM

Sorry, Maezeppa, according to A.C. you don't exist!

Posted by: mk at February 11, 2005 12:59 AM