or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
February 19, 2012
Meet the Let's Shove Stuff Inside Other People Against Their Will Party
Politics has almost nothing to do with finely-crafted op-eds and reasoned discussion, and almost everything to do with the dark murk churning in our psyches. Everyone of every political persuasion has their own roiling murk to deal with, and a person's political viewpoint is generally determined by their personal blend of murk.
On the right, the murk often manifests itself as an obsession with shoving things inside other people's bodies against their will. That's the case now in Virginia, where the legislature just passed a bill to require that filthy slut who laughed when I asked her to homecoming in 9th grade women seeking abortions to be forced to first undergo a vaginal ultrasound.
Meanwhile, we recently learned we should "expect" that women in the military will be raped. Then there was the weirdly-threatening "parody" of Elizabeth Warren's popular video about successful businesses. And so on.
Really, you could spend the next 5,000 years listing examples of this regarding women. But in a pinch, men will do too. It really turns the CIA on to do this:
In October 2001, Habib was seized off a bus by Pakistani security forces. While detained in Pakistan, at the behest of America agents he was suspended from a hook and electrocuted repeatedly. He was then turned over to the CIA, and in the process of transporting him to Egypt he endured the usual treatment: his clothes were cut off, a suppository was stuffed in his anus, and he was diapered and “wrapped up like a spring roll.”
Then there's George W. Bush excitedly telling Ariel Sharon this about his plans for Osama bin Laden: "I will screw him in the ass!"
And then there are the Libyans who captured Gaddafi:
A frame by frame analysis of this exclusive GlobalPost video clearly shows the rebel trying to insert some kind of stick or knife into Gaddafi's rear end.GlobalPost correspondent Tracey Shelton said there is some question as to whether the instrument was a knife from the end of a gun, which Libyans call a Bicketti, or a utilitiy tool known as a Becker Knife and Tool, which is popularly known as a BKT.
At the same time, those on the right tend to be obsessed with preventing their numberless enemies from breaching their own personal inner sanctum:
LIMBAUGH: We are being told that we have to hope he succeeds, that we have to bend over, grab the ankles, bend over forward, backward, whichever, because his father was black, because this is the first black president.
And here's a story of Dennis Perrin's:
I recall a relative of mine arguing in favor of extensive war in the Middle East, saying that if we didn't bomb the Arabs into submission, they would come over here and "fuck us in the ass." That's a direct quote, by the way. I remember that line well because I had no real come back to it. I mean, what do you say to that: "To the contrary, they won't fuck us in the ass"? ... 20 years ago I heard similar violent and gay-oriented rhetoric from the ex-Dartmouth Review editors and writers I had gotten to know. Back then, it was the Sandinistas who wanted to fuck us in the ass. You'd think that the U.S. has the most tantalizing rear the planet has ever seen, given how many countries desire cramming their dark, uncircumcised pricks deep inside our cheeks. This is why we must kill them before they drop their pants and pull out the bad news.
I'm not sure what can be done about this, if anything. Any suggestions are welcome. Maybe the best we can hope for is just to leave behind evidence that were we aware of this, and cross our fingers that when the Super-Intelligent Snails find it in 200 million years they'll be able to use it to deal with their own problems.
—Jon Schwarz
Posted at February 19, 2012 06:46 PMMental Sickness....FIXATION
"what can be done about this"?
Probably, INCURABLE.....
And the Super-Intelligence Snails of 200 million years from now, have ALREADY read your mind Mr Schwarz and are dealing with their future problems right now!! They will not allow "dark murk" to churn in their psyches....
They WILL NOT be the demented, deranged, insane, lunatic, CRAZIES!
they could all just come out of the closet, no?
Posted by: mike at February 19, 2012 08:32 PMthey could all just come out of the closet, no?
Posted by: mike at February 19, 2012 08:32 PMWorried about getting fucked in the ass? Sit down&shut up. I've never been able to do either, for what its worth.
Posted by: Mike Meyer at February 19, 2012 08:55 PMNot just "on the right"--don't forget that Hillary Clinton made a special trip to Haiti as part of the Obama administration's concerted and eventually successful push to get this wonderful human being elected president:
In the years following Aristide's restoration to power in 1994, Martelly became obsessed with hatred for the man. In a video from not too long ago, which can be seen on YouTube, the candidate threatens a patron in a bar where he has performed. "All those shits were Aristide's faggots," he says. "I would kill Aristide to stick a dick up your ass."
After all, they wanted to make sure they ended up with someone who'd help them with important projects like keeping the minimum wage down for Hanes and Levi Strauss, not to mention making sure those billions of reconstruction dollars go to the right projects. Priorities, y'know?
Posted by: John Caruso at February 19, 2012 09:37 PM
I'll pose the same questions I posted over on digby's.
Don't they have Democrats in the VA legislature? How are they voting on this?
A new question.
Did the VA Dems ever TRY?
If the VA Dems didn't make a STONG effort, then WHY should Women support them?
@Mike Meyer
Here is your answer.....
I do not want to even imagine what would happen if Santorum got elected.......
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2012/02/14/gop-controlled-virginia-legislature-passes-two-of-the-most-restrictive-anti-abortion-bills-in-the-nation/
Posted by: Rupa Shah at February 19, 2012 10:32 PMThe super-intelligent snails, being hermaphrodites, will probably suffer from a lot less sexual dysfunction due to lack of strict gender divisions.
Posted by: saurabh at February 19, 2012 10:33 PMRupa Shah: Well two questions were answered, there's Dems there and they PLEA.
Pleaing won't help and begging does no good. A STRONG FIGHT is what does the job. A body that just pleas isn't worth a dime of support and most DEFINATELY NOT WORTH A VOTE. VA Women are being CHEATED by those Dems. They've taken those Folks support money AND their votes, then REFUSE TO FIGHT. Worthless!!!
Posted by: Mike Meyer at February 20, 2012 12:04 AMLast night I watched Alfred Hitchcock's movie A Shadow of a Doubt, made in 1943. The central character, played by James Cotton, says the following.
Uncle Charlie: The cities are full of women, middle-aged widows, husbands, dead, husbands who've spent their lives making fortunes, working and working. And then they die and leave their money to their wives, their silly wives. And what do the wives do, these useless women? You see them in the hotels, the best hotels, every day by the thousands, drinking the money, eating the money, losing the money at bridge, playing all day and all night, smelling of money, proud of their jewelry but of nothing else, horrible, faded, fat, greedy women... Are they human or are they fat, wheezing animals, hmm? And what happens to animals when they get too fat and too old?
Posted by: Freddy el Desfibradddor at February 20, 2012 09:10 AMAnd also, speaking to his twentyish niece Charlotte, called Young Charlie.
Uncle Charlie: You think you know something, don't you? You think you're the clever little girl who knows something. There's so much you don't know, so much. What do you know, really? You're just an ordinary little girl, living in an ordinary little town. You wake up every morning of your life and you know perfectly well that there's nothing in the world to trouble you. You go through your ordinary little day, and at night you sleep your untroubled ordinary little sleep, filled with peaceful stupid dreams. And I brought you nightmares. Or did I? Or was it a silly, inexpert little lie? You live in a dream. You're a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? Do you know the world is a foul sty? Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you'd find swine? The world's a hell. What does it matter what happens in it? Wake up, Charlie. Use your wits. Learn something.
Posted by: Freddy el Desfibradddor at February 20, 2012 09:15 AMAs the Gays in the Military uproar repeatedly demonstrated, the mere thought of somebody fantasizing about one's holiest of holes is enough to unhinge the lizard brain and make it roll out the ear. "I don't want one of them drooling at me while I'm taking a shower," says a soldier.
What to do about it? Maybe you could say to the soldier: "Look, I'm sure you're horny and all; but you aren't as irresistible as you think. Next time you take a shower, make it colder."
Posted by: antonello at February 20, 2012 01:33 PM@ Mike Meyer
Mike, numbers DO matter.. with Republican majority of 66 to Democrats 34 in the house, it is easy for Republicans to roll over the Democrats and pass any bill they want. The senate is split 20/20 but the Governor is a Republican and a devout conservative Catholic.....
BTW, why do you expect all the Democrats to behave the way their constituents would like? Any number of standing ovations to Bibi is a definite indicator that they have their own interests at heart....first and foremost
What really surprises me is Sen Jim Webb is from THE SAME state of Virginia!!
Rupa Shah: Those VA Dems could have PUBLISIZED what was going on long before the vote. Look at ALL the discussion that has gone on since over the matter. Surely their constituents world have gotten online and spread the word. If the legislative votes don't cover it one calls in the voters at large.
Posted by: Mike Meyer at February 20, 2012 05:48 PMImagine if the Virginia Democrats had walked out of the House Chamber en masse, as the Wisconsin Democrats did last year to block Walker's anti-union bill.
Posted by: tom allen at February 20, 2012 06:52 PM'...they would come over here and "fuck us in the ass." That's a direct quote, by the way. I remember that line well because I had no real come back to it. I mean, what do you say to that...'
Well, as for me, I generally respond, "Can I be first? Some of those Iranian guys are really cute." :-P
Posted by: tom allen at February 20, 2012 06:58 PMYou post a lot on those right wingers but little about how the liberals are fucking us in the ass, Jonathan. How come?
Posted by: rob payne at February 21, 2012 09:48 AMFreud was right.
Posted by: Mike Meyer at February 21, 2012 01:08 PMVirginians DID protest against unwarranted invasion of privacy....... and a procedure NOT recommended by their MDs
http://www.commondreams.org/further/2012/02/21-2
Posted by: Rupa Shah at February 21, 2012 03:20 PM"given how many countries desire cramming their dark, uncircumcised pricks deep inside our cheeks."
Most Muslims are circumcised, not sure if that will make it more or less appealing. I guess that's a matter of personal preference.
Posted by: seth at February 21, 2012 05:57 PMJohn Caruso, how dare you, dare you, dare you, slight Hillary Clinton for her involvement with the Haitian people?!? Her husband Bill, is a humanitarian, after all. And someday, those tens of millions of dollars that his charitable org has gotten its hands on will pay off for some lucky poor person somewhere. I would bet money on it!
That lucky poor person might even manage to buy a pair of the Haitian made Levi's!
Rupa Shah: No offence meant, but those people look like Regular Folks and not members of the democratic caucus of the VA Legislature. I can definately see why a large crowd of people have gathered after the fact. Were I a woman in VA or a nearby state I'd be outside that door occupying too. I was refering to those ELECTED to defend those Folks' rights. The VA Democratic Party should have rallied public opinion looong before THAT bill ever hit the floor of the legislature. That bill IS wrong on so many levels as to be astonishing it ever got voted on in 2012. Those elected representatives of BOTH parties, have FAILED their citizens, FAILED their state, FAILED their nation while the whole world watches, but most of all THEY FAILED WOMEN!
Posted by: Mike Meyer at February 21, 2012 10:25 PMmost higher animals are moral - scientist claims
New research shows there is a biological basis for co-operative and empathetic behaviour
Biological research is increasingly debunking the view of humanity as competitive, aggressive and brutish.
"Humans have a lot of pro-social tendencies," Frans de Waal, a biologist at Emory University in Atlanta, told the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science on Monday.
New research on higher animals from primates and elephants to mice shows there is a biological basis for behavior such as co-operation, said de Waal, author of The Age of Empathy: Nature's Lessons for a Kinder Society.
Until just 12 years ago, the common view among scientists was that humans were "nasty" at the core but had developed a veneer of morality - albeit a thin one, de Waal told scientists and journalists from some 50 countries at the conference in Vancouver, Canada.
But human children - and most higher animals - are "moral" in a scientific sense, because they need to co-operate with each other to reproduce and pass on their genes, he said.
Research has disproved the view, dominant since the 19th century, typical of biologist Thomas Henry Huxley's argument that morality is absent in nature and something created by humans, said de Waal.
And common assumptions that the harsh view was promoted by Charles Darwin, the so-called father of evolution, are also wrong, he said.
'Pro-social' tendencies
"Darwin was much smarter than most of his followers," said de Waal, quoting from Darwin's The Descent of Man that animals that developed "well-marked social instincts would inevitably acquire a moral sense or conscience".
De Waal showed the audience videos from laboratories revealing the dramatic emotional distress of a monkey denied a treat that another monkey received; and of a rat giving up chocolate in order to help another rat escape from a trap.
Such research shows that animals naturally have pro-social tendencies for "reciprocity, fairness, empathy and consolation," said de Waal.
"Human morality is unthinkable without empathy."
Asked if wide public acceptance of empathy as natural would change the intense competition on which capitalist economic and political systems are based, de Waal quipped, "I'm just a monkey watcher."
But he told reporters that research also shows animals bestow their empathy on animals they are familiar with in their "in-group" - and that natural tendency is a challenge in a globalised human world.
"Morality" developed in humans in small communities, he said, adding: "It's a challenge... it's experimental for the human species to apply a system intended for [in-groups] to the whole world."
Posted by: mistah charley, ph.d. at February 22, 2012 10:10 AMMistah Charley:
You might have seen this nice video of a hippo saving an impala from a crocodile:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENWp0Q2RkTA
It's a tricky thing. On Maslow's hierarchy, food and sex are more basic than security of body, however excretion is alongside. Following the glands up the body, you don't get to food until after you pass the prostate and the testes. Anyone who's ever traced a series of thoughts through the chakras can tell you what's next in consideration: adrenaline, fear, appetite for power.
Our thoughts want to go up and down the chakras (or heavens, elements, almost every culture has a model of them) but anxiety blocks it. These statements set the course for an acceptable, universal path.
To put it more simply, "Is there no communication in this car? Have we reverted back to the state of mindless beasts?"
Posted by: Lewis at February 22, 2012 06:38 PMReverted?
Posted by: N E at February 22, 2012 08:24 PM"...a hippo saving an impala from a crocodile..."
a chimera suggests itself: having the body of a crab with the head of a social worker...
(q.v., W.A.)
Posted by: Dean Taylor at February 22, 2012 09:50 PMThe VA GOP Governor refused to sign the bill into law. Enough PEOPLE called and protested to stop his hand. I see Illnois has the same kind of bill in committee. Perhaps the Illnois ELECTED DEM REPRESENTATIVES will put up a STRONGER FIGHT than the VA Dems did.
Posted by: Mike Meyer at February 22, 2012 10:02 PMWell said.
Posted by: Dredd at February 23, 2012 02:14 PM
