You may only read this site if you've purchased Our Kampf from Amazon or Powell's or me
• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show

"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket

"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

March 27, 2010

Not Dead, Just Resting

I'm not slowly fading away from the internet(s). On the contrary. But this site's caterpillar stage is coming to an end. If things go according to plan, fairly soon it will transform into chrysalis—or pupa—and thence into beauty.

P.S. I may or may not be a transvestite serial killer.

—Jonathan Schwarz

Posted at March 27, 2010 06:16 PM

Just so long, good Professor Schwarz, you are not a serial transvestite killer. That would be, you know, wrong.

Posted by: RedPhillip at March 27, 2010 06:49 PM

And trashy to boot.

Posted by: Jesus B Ochoa at March 27, 2010 07:36 PM

It spreads the lotion on the keyboard.

Posted by: Dennis Perrin at March 27, 2010 08:38 PM

It spreads the lotion on the parrot.

Posted by: John Caruso at March 27, 2010 09:03 PM

Still think you are a penguin......

Posted by: Aaron Datesman at March 28, 2010 11:03 AM

i'm confused. are you killing transvestites serially, are you a transvestite killing serially or are you killing serial transvestites?

incidentally this site may have gone up the google rankings for three dangerous search terms. sorry about that

Posted by: almostinfamous at March 28, 2010 01:13 PM

Chrysalize already, dammit!

Posted by: ethan at March 28, 2010 01:13 PM

I am going to the store to by some pop tarts.

Posted by: Jonathan Versen at March 28, 2010 04:22 PM

What happened to Bernard? I miss his commentary...I really miss his music posts.-Tony

Posted by: tony at March 28, 2010 06:46 PM

I've been wondering the same thing as Tony. I'm sure Bernard's a busy guy, but I miss him!

Posted by: ethan at March 28, 2010 11:07 PM

Maybe Bernard was a transvestite. Check Jonathan's cellar.

Posted by: NomadUK at March 29, 2010 07:24 AM

I miss Bernard and the music posts, too.

As to the lotion on the parrot -- not asking.

Posted by: Svensker at March 29, 2010 11:48 AM

It is alleged that the following account appeared in the Weekly World News of September 5, 2004:



A RABBI, priest and a minister walked into a bar in a small Iowa town -- but nothing funny happened.

"When I saw the three of them walk in," bartender Joe Blobonski says, "I thought to myself, 'This is gonna be good.

I mean, this is the setup for thousands of jokes, so I figured something hilarious is about to happen."

But the results were disappointing.

"They sat down at a table, and didn't say much."

Blobonski says he expected to burst out laughing when he took their order.

"The priest said, 'I'll have a Virgin Mary.' Then the minister said, 'I'll have a Bloody Mary,' Blobonski says. "I could barely contain myself, waiting for the rabbi's punch line.

"But then he says, 'I'd like a Diet Coke,' A Diet Coke?

THAT'S not funny. I couldn't believe it."

At another point the rabbi asked, "Do you get many rabbis in here?"

Blobonski says, "I said 'No,' waiting for the rabbi's hysterical comeback.

"But all he said was 'too bad.' "

The three religious wise men quietly drank up, paid the bill, and left.

"It was really pretty boring, to be honest," Blobonski added.

Posted by: mistah charley, ph.d. at March 29, 2010 04:31 PM

I miss Bernard and his music posts, too.

Posted by: godoggo at March 29, 2010 10:28 PM

I'm shocked to realize I've been reading a larva all this time.

Posted by: Save the Oocytes at March 29, 2010 10:34 PM

I miss Prof Chazelle too..... his essays, music posts, his posts about social injustices which challenge our core values, discussion on subjects like Torture etc. I have learnt a lot from him.

Posted by: Rupa Shah at March 30, 2010 08:59 AM

Bernard is missed.

I can go many places for political commentary. (Of course, this place remains one of my faves.)

But no where else has anyone's writing turned me on to previously neglected musicians.

Posted by: Elise Mattu at April 2, 2010 03:42 PM