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• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show

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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

November 16, 2009

God's Plan

Here's a crucial insight from Sarah Palin's new book:

If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?

This is exactly why I eat people.

P.S. According to Wikipedia, this is actually John Cleese's joke. I hope that's true, given that when describing Palin's candidacy last year Cleese said "Monty Python could have written this."

UPDATE: Weaver points out this joke was made long ago by Flanders and Swann, which I should have known considering I listened to "At the Drop of the Hat" 1,000+ time growing up. Also, I see the cannibalism joke had already been made several other places today. This whole thing is a fiasco.

—Jonathan Schwarz

Posted at November 16, 2009 10:03 PM

When Palin was announced as the VP candidate I thought was stuck in a Christopher Guest film.

Posted by: pete at November 16, 2009 11:11 PM

And hey, if He didn't make 'em to look like tacos...

Posted by: Rich2506 at November 16, 2009 11:37 PM

All this time I thought some Simpsons writer came up with, as it sounds like something Homer would say to Lisa.

Posted by: Jonathan Versen at November 17, 2009 12:06 AM

Er, with it. D'oh.

Actually, you'd think if she felt so compelled to steal pop witticisms, she'd steal from Rocky n' Bullwinkle.

Posted by: Jonathan Versen at November 17, 2009 12:12 AM

Flanders and Swann before Cleese, with Jon's corollary already accounted for.

Posted by: weaver at November 17, 2009 12:31 AM

If god didn't intend for the CIA to smuggle heroin, why did he invent poppies?

If god didn't intend to torture children, why did he make the loa loa? (not for the squeamish)

Posted by: Euripides at November 17, 2009 02:53 AM

"carnivore"? Really, she only eats meat?

I think she probably means omnivore... particularly as it is not that wise form a health perspective to just eat meat...

Posted by: Anarcho at November 17, 2009 05:17 AM

Obviously when Cleese, Flanders & Swan etc made the joke it proved how witty they were.

Posted by: Neil Craig at November 17, 2009 08:12 AM

John Cleese is almost as funny as Our Kampf!

Posted by: N E at November 17, 2009 10:47 AM

If God had meant for us to go around naked, we would have been born that way.

Posted by: Hogan at November 17, 2009 02:21 PM

"If any vegans came over for dinner, I could.."

So I take this to mean that she's never had a vegan over for dinner but if she ever did she would have a snide remark at the ready.


Posted by: none at November 17, 2009 03:20 PM


Posted by: godoggo at November 17, 2009 08:11 PM

So are (were) Flanders and Swann well-known in the States or did you have Anglophile tastes?

My family didn't discover Tom Lehrer and Stan Freberg until we were in Kansas for a sabbatical year in the 70s. Oh, no, wait, I'm pretty sure Dad already had a copy of The Real St George. But it was in Kansas we first heard "Madison Avenue Werewolf".

Oh, shit - and Newhart! They used to play him on the airline comedy channels.

Posted by: weaver at November 17, 2009 09:04 PM

So are (were) Flanders and Swann well-known in the States or did you have Anglophile tastes?

You know, I don't know how well known they were in America then. But for whatever reason my parents had all their records, plus Beyond the Fringe and some other British comedy. And I loved the Reluctant Cannibal song. I'm surprised I didn't remember that part.

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at November 18, 2009 04:44 AM

God did NOT intended for us to eat animals, for the Bible tells so:

"And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat." Genesis 1:29.

Do any of these Christers even bother to read scriptures anymore?

Posted by: Paul Avery at November 18, 2009 01:51 PM

Somebody needs to read Genesis to all those Orthodox Jews who keep their milkig separate from their fleischig!

Posted by: N E at November 18, 2009 03:44 PM

Flanders and Swann used to perform on the Ed Sullivan show, so they were seen by millions of Americans. I bet that's where Jon's parents discovered them.

Flanders' daughter is doing well here. She regularly displays her GRIT.

Posted by: Dennis Perrin at November 18, 2009 06:36 PM

Actually, if people treated other animals better, it stands to reason they'd be inclined on average to treat humans better too (there are exceptions: ). One hears occasionally that a state or group treats "like animals," or views another "as no better than animals," and it occurs to me that maybe it's a problem for human humaneness that we've set the bar so low for anything.

Posted by: Save the Oocytes at November 18, 2009 10:01 PM

Link was supposed to be WP on Alan Clark, now in my URL.

Posted by: Save the Oocytes at November 18, 2009 10:12 PM

And I, as a vegan, would retort to my dinner host, "Good, I brought over some dog meat casserole - dig in!" ;)

Posted by: Soj at November 19, 2009 01:17 AM

My guess is she would take you up on the dog stew. What do you think they do with those old sled dogs. Alaska ain't for whimps.

Posted by: Sam at November 19, 2009 07:51 PM

It's that protein thing.............

Posted by: joe at November 19, 2009 07:54 PM