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"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
September 13, 2009
Washington Post Publishes More Information About Exciting Alternate Universe
Lots of banks had to get a bailout from the federal government. But you know who didn't? The ultra-smart guys at BlackRock investment management, that's who. Here, let the Washington Post explain it to you:
Before the financial crisis, BlackRock's chairman Laurence Fink would speak with federal officials at most a few times a month, for instance when they called him in New York for information about mortgage markets or pensions funds or other areas in which his company was active. But now, as the chief executive of the nation's largest asset manager, Fink says he talks to officials at least once a day. He plans to open an office in Washington by next year to influence policy and has hired the lobbying powerhouse of Quinn Gillespie & Associates...
Treasury and Fed have tapped Fink's expertise. BlackRock emerged as one of their principal advisers as the agencies bailed out major companies and tried to put a price on their toxic assets. BlackRock is also managing tens of billions of dollars worth of AIG assets for the government. In August, officials selected the company to help arrange the purchase, partly using taxpayer money, of toxic assets from banks.
"We made ourselves available on issues that many people don't understand," Fink said.
Although BlackRock, which avoided the plague of toxic assets, has turned to Washington by choice, some firms have been forced to Washington.
Impressive! Impressive work there by BlackRock! Let's stroll over to BlackRock's own website, so we can find out who owns them and extend our congratulations:
Merrill Lynch & Co., Inc., a wholly-owned subsidiary of Bank of America Corporation, and The PNC Financial Services Group, Inc. own approximately...47.4% and 31.5% of BlackRock’s capital stock...
Bank of America $45.0 billion
Bank of America, NA $6.0 billion
PNC Financial Services $7.6 billion
Oh well. There's no need for the Washington Post to report on what's going on in THIS universe. It would only upset and confuse their readers.
PREVIOUSLY: The Washington Post is great at describing a wonderful imaginary world.
—Jonathan SchwarzPosted at September 13, 2009 05:08 AM