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August 01, 2009

Animal Rights

By: Bernard Chazelle

What's with Bolivia? What's with Latin America? Are they doing this just to make us look bad? I can't see any other explanation for their petty, spiteful urge to leap ahead of us on the ramp of moral progress.

Bolivia has enacted what animal rights activists are calling the world's first ban on all animals in circuses.

Next thing you know, they'll be banning pigs from police academies, and then we'll look like what, huh?!

— Bernard Chazelle

Posted at August 1, 2009 03:23 PM

Bolivia has enacted what animal rights activists are calling the world's first ban on all animals in circuses.

This is clearly a blatant appeal for the Dolly Llama vote...

Posted by: Woody at August 1, 2009 04:54 PM

Ah, what issues one could address while having an evening beer with the President. Well worth shooting for, and I give a B+ for the police analogy for such a noble effort.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at August 1, 2009 07:24 PM

I'd bring a sixpack of Bud for me, just to get started.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at August 1, 2009 07:27 PM

Mike Meyer, is that really you?

Posted by: ethan at August 1, 2009 08:07 PM

Ouch, Mike. That hurts. You and your killer caps.

Posted by: Bernard Chazelle at August 1, 2009 08:22 PM

EVEN killer cops are TAXPAYERS and possibly Human Beings also.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at August 1, 2009 08:29 PM

Mike: I didn't write killer cops but killer caps...

Also, pigs are very sweet animals who never hurt anyone.

Posted by: Bernard Chazelle at August 1, 2009 09:44 PM

Bernard Chazelle: Why so YOU did, I stand corrected. I contend B+ ain't bad from a guy who can't read. Look out now, I've raised hogs before and have met SOME with quite a mean streak.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at August 1, 2009 11:21 PM

Killer caps are OK but what if they were CAP KILLERS? What would MM do? Call Pelosi?

Also, pigs are very sweet animals who never hurt anyone. Never met a Razorback, eh?

Posted by: drip at August 2, 2009 08:53 AM

My wonderful late father, who despite being a very big man was the most amiable prison guard you could ever hope to meet and a favorite of some of the lifers, back in the 1970s was given a little painting by a particularly inspired inmate. The painting showed a pig in a cop's uniform, twirling a nightstick as he walked down the street. I can't seem to find it, which is too bad, because it was oh so authentic. Just a fabulous little piece of work and a gift I always admired for its wit.

Let's hope those animales Bolivianos don't become sopa de circo, because I don't know what else the owners of those little circuses will do with them once the journalists go away.

One unpleasant possibility is that the circus owners could send their animals up to the U.S. for special forces training, because we've been running a reverse island of Dr. Moreau at the School of the Americas for a long time. ( for info). As a result, the Latin Americans have never needed to ban pigs from their police academies, because they just send some of their pigs up to us for a short stay in Georgia for some special training at Fort Benning, and we turn them into counterinsurgency troops with a few short courses and a special potion and send them back to do things that would never have occured to even the meanest pig. As mean as a hungry sow is--and either the Professor or any hog farmer could tell you that a sow will eat you if you don't be careful--not even the lowest pig would ever do the things the Salvadorean Atlcatl batallion was so good at, not to mention the Contras or the Guatemalan elite troops or those nasty homicidal Colombian we arm. So let's not slander pigs.

Our military modeled its counterinsurrgency methods on those developed by the Wehrmacht in the Nazi period. See (by michael mcclintock, long a director of amnesty international and then human rights first and who also wrote an excellent two-volume book on Gautemala). And then we started teaching everybody else's officers at Fort Benning (not that others, like the British and Japanese and French) didn't already understand this stuff too.
Hell, the French were good at blowing things up in Algeria and blaming terrorists 50 years ago. And not a pig among them!

So I hope those annoying Latin Americans don't start banning pigs from their police academies, because if they do they might start sending even more of them to the School of the Americas for genetic modification, and then the average Latin American, who is poor, will discover that a few pigs roaming the streets carrying nightsticks and poking their snouts where they don't belong while looking for a snack or two is a small problem compared to what you get once your military turns to Uncle Sam for help in creating monsters.

Posted by: N E at August 2, 2009 11:42 AM

You have the right to remain delicious.

Posted by: tim at August 2, 2009 06:04 PM

It's actually a cow but most people think it's a pig so it seems to fit the discussion. :-)

Posted by: LarryE at August 2, 2009 08:11 PM