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December 28, 2008

The Moving Walkway

During my current Vacation in America's Airports, I've heard the phrase "The moving walkway is ending"—always in the same anxiety-producing female voice—over 10,000 times.

I keep hoping that JUST ONCE the moving walkway will be something other than "ending." For instance:

• "The moving walkway is exploding"

• "The moving walkway is in love with you"

• "The moving walkway is heading toward a human abattoir"

• "The moving walkway is ending, like all good things must"

• "The moving walkway is actually only moving in an emotional rather than physical sense"

• "The moving walkway is filled with resentment about being constantly stood upon, you dickhead"

I urge airport administrators to get on this as soon as practicable.

—Jonathan Schwarz

Posted at December 28, 2008 06:10 PM


*("Fuehrer, befiehl, wir folgen.")

Posted by: donescobar at December 28, 2008 07:48 PM

I wish they would turn off the recording, video all the people falling down because they didn't notice that "he moving walkway is ending" and post it on the intertubes. All those people falling on top of each other. At an airport! Pretty funny, eh?

Posted by: drip at December 29, 2008 07:52 PM

Just back from the International wing at BWI. No announcements and no bodies stacked at the end of the walkway. A pity, really.

Posted by: drip at December 30, 2008 04:42 PM

Here's one (shamelessly lifted):

"The moving walkway has been replace by a live fire exercise."

Posted by: Captain Splendid at December 30, 2008 08:38 PM

I've always preferred the British version: "Mind the Gap"

Posted by: Taylor Hess at January 2, 2009 02:37 AM