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October 26, 2008

How The Case Was Solved

Police first became suspicious when Ashley Todd claimed that a large black man mugged her, raped her, carved a B in her face for Barack, and then ran off shouting, "Now I'm going to apply for a subprime mortage which the federal government will force the bank to give me under the 1977 Community Reinvestment Act!"

—Jonathan Schwarz

Posted at October 26, 2008 09:08 AM

you must've had a strong cup of coffee this morning. my brain could never come up with something this good so early.

Posted by: dewar at October 26, 2008 09:49 AM

Needs a reference to Franklin Raines! Otherwise, that's surely how it happened.

Posted by: Jim Henley at October 26, 2008 09:49 AM

"And I'm entitled to carve this 'B' backwards because no one made me take a test to hold me accountable for my alphabet skills in the first grade because of the soft bigotry of low expectations!"

(except with poor grammar and diction because the liberals didn't want him to learn proper grammar and diction.)

Posted by: mathpants at October 26, 2008 11:37 AM

Good one!!! thank you

Posted by: kafka at October 26, 2008 11:46 AM

Well, it looked like a regular B in the mirror.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at October 26, 2008 12:27 PM

Excellent! When are these idiots going to find a new faux perp?

Posted by: catherine at October 26, 2008 01:05 PM

So, did she carve a "B" on her face herself while looking in a mirror? And gave herself a black eye?

This is remarkable devotion, I must say. I am impressed.

Posted by: abb1 at October 26, 2008 04:45 PM

Further shouting as he ran off: "I can't wait to vote on election day under the multiple comic-book identities I was given by the ACORN registration worker!!"

Posted by: Nell at October 26, 2008 07:28 PM

Even Ron Paul volunteers thought she was nuts. Now *that's* crazy you can take to the bank.

Posted by: wareq at October 26, 2008 10:15 PM