You may only read this site if you've purchased Our Kampf from Amazon or Powell's or me
• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show

"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket

"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

October 13, 2008

Howard Kurtz Beginning To Show Effects Of Giant Steel Spike Embedded In Brain

Sadly, Washington Post media critic Howard Kurtz was injured in an accident last week at his second job laying railroad track. A malfunctioning explosive charge blew a four foot long tamping iron through his skull, destroying most of the front left section of his brain.

kurtz3.jpg kurtz.jpg

Remarkably, however, just like in the case of Phineas Gage in 1848, Kurtz survived. After filing down the two protruding ends of the steel spike, doctors today allowed Kurtz to return to his show on CNN—while emphasizing that he should keep his hair combed over the giant gaping hole in his skull.

At first Kurtz had, like Gage, seemed remarkably unaffected by his injury. But now he's now started making the kinds of statements people do only when they have giant spikes embedded in their brains:

KURTZ: I'm certainly not saying that what people say at these [McCain/Palin] rallies, particularly if it's ugly stuff, shouldn't be covered. It's part of the story. But it seems that the press has kind of adopted this theme that McCain and Palin are stoking the anger...

I was in Indiana with Obama this week. And there was some nut job in the crowd who started screaming about Obama was going to bring about the new world order, and he was ejected from the scene and people booed. Hardly anybody reported that because, who cared? But it seems to me that in the case of McCain and Palin, we have decided that they are somehow responsible for this. And I just question whether that's fair.

Obviously, no one without a giant steel spike embedded in their head would say that. No one with a normally-functioning brain could find it unfair to blame McCain for whipping up the bizarre hatred of Obama on display at GOP rallies, if we don't also blame Obama for the bizarre hatred of Obama at Democratic rallies.

Unfortunately, Kurtz's guest Candy Crowley had not been told of Kurtz's accident, and reacted like this:

CROWLEY: Right, Howie—those two things are exactly the same. Jesus Christ Almighty, do you have a giant steel spike embedded in your brain?

This led to several embarrassing moments for everyone concerned.

—Jonathan Schwarz

Posted at October 13, 2008 03:56 PM

If only. I was reminded of Kurtz' whitewashing of the Malkin crusade against Graeme Frost, and him proclaiming "the Surge" a success.

Posted by: Batocchio at October 13, 2008 04:34 PM

It is my impression that this "gaping hole" in the skull is as common today as the cold. Maybe always was, if we follow world history as painted by Mel Brooks, the comic version of Spengler.
It's not so noticeable if you don't open your mouth, but CNN "commentators" (and others) can't keep theirs shut.
I think it was Robert Benchley who once said that people with nothing to say should at least "have the courtesy of shutting up."

Posted by: donescobar at October 13, 2008 04:45 PM

Slightly off-topic, but speaking of scary and delusional right-wingers, I just saw a picture of McCain campaign strategist Steve Schmidt:

And he looks frighteningly like Jonathan Doe, the serial killer from "Seven:"

At the end of "Seven," Jon Doe also ends up with significant amounts of metal in his head. Coincidence?

(or maybe Schmidt looks more like evil villain Lex Luthor?:

Maybe it makes sense that Schmidt looks like both, since Doe is a violent and judgmental fundamentalist, and Luthor is the ultimate "no oversight" supercapitalist.

Posted by: Whistler Blue at October 13, 2008 08:56 PM

Admittedly, this would explain a great deal. Nevertheless it's hard to imagine Candy Crowley being embarrassed by anything.

Posted by: Jonathan Versen at October 13, 2008 09:43 PM

Heh. Didn't see that one coming at all.

Posted by: buermann at October 13, 2008 09:59 PM

Wow. This really raises "blame the victim" to new heights. If Obama wasn't so black and scary, we wouldn't be forced to yell "Off with his head!" at campaign rallies.

Posted by: SteveB at October 13, 2008 10:28 PM

i wonder what happens when he microwaves popcorn. phineas gage didnt have THAT problem at least...

Posted by: almostinfamous at October 14, 2008 02:44 AM

So... let me see if I understand this correctly:

Kurtz is saying that since people shout mean things about Obama at McCain events, and they shout mean things about Obama at Obama events, this proves that both candidates are equally guilty of stirring up trouble.

I've read the transcript and watched the video and can't quite figure out any other explanation, but surely that can't be it?

Please tell me that's not it.

Posted by: Christopher at October 14, 2008 03:10 AM

No pain in the membrane.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at October 14, 2008 01:13 PM