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September 30, 2008


As I said yesterday, our courageous right-wing has uncovered conclusive evidence proving that our current trouble is the fault of the Darkies and the Joos.

I also pointed out how it's also obviously the fault of the Homos—but that we just didn't know yet exactly how they did it. Well, now we do!

In a September 25th blog post titled 'The Nation Will Right Itself If It Fixes Sex', Christian Civil League of Maine Executive Director Michael Heath writes that the financial crisis facing Wall Street is a symptom of America's sinful sexual culture, including the acceptance of gay unions...

Heath goes on to list policy changes that would make God "crack a smile," including: End abortion rights and defund non-profit groups supporting it, amend state constitutions to ban gay marriage and eliminate domestic partnerships and civil unions for gay and lesbian couples...

COMING SOON: Why the witches—ie, all women except my mother, and I've got my suspicions about her—are to blame too.

—Jonathan Schwarz

Posted at September 30, 2008 10:38 PM

Finally, McSchwarz, you've seen the light (lite?) and embraced Original Sin. Welcome home, son. (With a small s, you understand.)

For my generation, the sad news is: had we only known, we would have sinned a helluva lot more. Goddamn!

Posted by: donescobar at September 30, 2008 10:59 PM

As one of them Joooooz I demand my cut, and I have none of that 'check's in the mail' again.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at October 1, 2008 12:21 AM

Well done point about the CRAs. This all came from late night tv ads selling 'get rich flipping houses'. All those seminars at the Holliday Inn showing 'just how to get a sub-prime' for 50 bucks a ticket. How to use the property as an ATM ads so that savings are hollowed out.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at October 1, 2008 12:42 AM

The Juwes are the men that will not be blamed for nothing.

Posted by: Mike at October 1, 2008 03:46 AM

The radical socialist communist fascist islamist poopyhead liberals are scheming, too.

Posted by: me at October 1, 2008 04:36 AM

Nice Jack reference, Mike.

Posted by: StO at October 1, 2008 06:57 AM

OK, so these reforms would make God crack a smile. Fine, we'll do it.

But what would make Him guffaw? What would give Him a big belly laugh?

We need to keep Him chuckling and chortling!

Posted by: Baldie McEagle at October 1, 2008 07:50 AM

Can't we just offer God a few hundred foreskins? He used to be okay with that sort of thing.

Posted by: . at October 1, 2008 09:07 AM

Sorry, ., what with inflation after the crash of 238 B.C., the foreskin has been completely devalued.

Posted by: Save the Oocytes at October 1, 2008 11:29 AM

So, all you Jewish guys are pissed off because no alternative has been found to keep your "covenant" with god? As the nurse said in one of the lovely "Carry On" comedies, eying the organ of a patient: "So much fuss over such a little thing."
Phallic psychoanalysis remains Freud's final cut. It only hurts a little.

Posted by: donescobar at October 1, 2008 11:51 AM

And more commies. Commies used to be the bomb, and today, nothing!

Posted by: catherine at October 1, 2008 01:21 PM

Its not getting cut that's the problem, its EVERYBODY having to check to see if its still there.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at October 1, 2008 03:03 PM