or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
•
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
August 23, 2008
Trying To Think Of Something To Say
I'm a bad political bloggger, because I truly don't care about politics. All I care about is these cretins not killing me and everyone I know. It's like curling: I don't care about that either, but if all the world's curling teams were armed with nuclear weapons, I'd probably start a blogg about curling.
So, Joe Biden. Eh.
Pretty good by DC standards on Iran—ie, not completely insane.
Owned by the credit card companies, hence their loyal factotum on the hideous bankruptcy bill. Okay on economic issues otherwise.
Truly hideous in the march to war with Iraq. Here's his speech explaining why he was voting for the 2002 Authorization to Use Military Force:
I do not believe this is a rush to war. I believe it is a march to peace and security. I believe that failure to overwhelmingly support this resolution is likely to enhance the prospects that war will occur...[Saddam Hussein] possesses chemical and biological weapons and is seeking nuclear weapons....For four years now, he has prevented United Nations inspectors from uncovering those weapons...
The terms of surrender dictated by the United Nations require him to declare and destroy his weapons of mass destruction programs. He has not done so. ...
President Bush did not lash out precipitously after 9/11. He did not snub the U.N. or our allies. He did not dismiss a new inspection regime. He did not ignore the Congress. At each pivotal moment, he has chosen a course of moderation and deliberation...
I am absolutely confident the President will not take us to war alone. I am absolutely confident we will enhance his ability to get the world to be with us by us voting for this resolution...
Maybe there's something else to say, but thinking about Joe Biden makes me too sleepy to figure out what it might be.
BUT: If nothing else, I'm grateful I'm not writing for late night TV right now. Those poor souls have to spend the next two months (at the very least) sitting around and trying to come up with something funny about Joe Biden that everyone in America can understand.
Let's see...
He, uh, plagiarized his hair transplants from Kenny Rogers?
I don't know, I got nothing.
—Jonathan Schwarz
Posted at August 23, 2008 06:01 PMYERP.
Posted by: MonsignorMarmoset at August 23, 2008 06:36 PMBiden's speech http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=93913125#share
Posted by: Monkay at August 23, 2008 06:41 PMI hated politics most of my life, finding it banal. I am only interested in it because it is the field of human endeavour with the single greatest array of moral implications. Science can be used for evil, art can if you really try, but if you want to really be a Complete and Total Bastard, you gotta have political impact, baby.
Biden's an asshole, like all the others. Sitting around comparing him to other DNC insiders and trying to measure which asshole is more foul is. . . well, sitting around sniffing assholes.
I suspect no one thinks that that's a good use of time.
Posted by: No One of Consequence at August 23, 2008 07:54 PMThanks a bunch, JS. I actually read through that whole exercise in verbal diarrhea. Is that what 36 years in Washington does to ones' brain? All that strained verbage just to say: I love you, George, 'cuz you're my bestest, most trustworthy prez in the whole world, and you can go to war whenever you want.
Al Gore: ""Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
Biden's a good case for term limits, based on that. Either that, or promote him. Hey, that's it! Peter Principle time for Joe!! Make him a VP where he can't hurt anyone!
Posted by: Don Bacon at August 23, 2008 11:37 PMMorally, the worse thing about Biden is his enthusastic vote for war. Politically, it's that he angers and alienates a whole array of dems for various reasons even while appealing to some others. A depressing and demoralizing choice.
Posted by: Rosemary Molloy at August 24, 2008 06:59 AMThey had to pick somebody.
The GOP oppo-apparat will go into full destructo-mode on whomsoever was selected.
Mebbe Biden's faults were so well known already that the Dims figgered he was the one with the least to hide...and thus posed the least threat for scandal.
Posted by: woody, tokin librul at August 24, 2008 10:45 AMI think you do care about politics, in the sense of "the people's participation in the public thing."
What you don't find interesting is what Dewey called "the shadow of big business": the gossip surrounding the conspiracies of the American governing class.
Posted by: Seth at August 24, 2008 11:04 AMOne man's asshole, another man's Great American.
They were power-and-money-hungry assholes before they came to Washington.
Those who seek a life of contemplation teach philosophy at Swarthmore or Classics at Williams.
Those who seek a life of service are social workers or nurses.
The assholes and our business mentality make The American Way of Life.
The Sixties were not what the WSJ and our mainstream smoothies insist they were. They opened a window, for a few years, and then the silent majority made itself heard and shut it.
Back to the normalcy of our way of life. It may be insanity to Jon and some of us here, but the revolution remains tiny.
"He, uh, plagiarized his hair transplants from Kenny Rogers?"
That's roughly thirty times too witty for late night TV.
Posted by: Mark at August 24, 2008 02:25 PMand then the silent majority made itself heard and
kicked it shut, with big boots on
An apathetic blogger? SAY IT ISN'T SO!
Posted by: AlanSmithee at August 25, 2008 09:02 AM"Maybe there's something else to say, but thinking about Joe Biden makes me too sleepy to figure out what it might be."
Could be you've just stumbled onto Biden's secret weapon.
Posted by: xpig at August 25, 2008 11:35 AMProof that the party system is a complete failure whose destruction is worth any cost:
It is literally impossible for Obama to pick a running mate that would prevent him from getting a strong vote output in November. Anybody on the ticket gets a free ride.
The U.S. will come out to, at the very least, vote against McCain, no matter what the price.
Posted by: No One of Consequence at August 25, 2008 11:42 AMWith regard to Kenny Rogers, I just dropped in to
Wikipedia to see what condition his condition was in, and I found out:
"On August 26th, 2008,[THAT'S TODAY, FOLKS!!] Rogers released "50 Years" exclusively at Cracker Barrel stores. The album includes greatest hits, plus 3 new songs. The release is designed to celebrate Kenny's 50th year in the music business."
"In 1998, [Kenny Rogers Roasters] went through a restructuring, which resulted in its acquisition by Nathan's Famous, Inc., completed on April 1, 1999; as a result of restructuring, many locations closed. Today, according to Nathan's Famous corporate web site, there is only one U.S. Kenny Rogers Roasters operating at the Ontario Mills mall in Ontario, California. Some of the company's Miami Subs Grill locations feature Kenny Rogers Roasters menu items, along with Nathan's Famous hot dogs and Arthur Treacher's fish items."
Posted by: mistah charley, ph.d. at August 26, 2008 01:47 PM
