You may only read this site if you've purchased Our Kampf from Amazon or Powell's or me
• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show

"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket

"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

February 12, 2008

Why We Fight

By: Bernard Chazelle

I try not to make it a habit to quote David Brooks but sometimes his wisdom is too un-unquotable to resist.

He explains to us why we ain't leaving Iraq any time soon. He is 100% correct. He prioritizes the reasons as follows:

There would be private but powerful opposition from Arab leaders... There would be irate opposition from important sections of the military... There would be important criticism from nonpartisan military experts.

Not to mention the pizza deliverers who cater for think tanks (I hate it when Times columnists forget pizza deliverers. Unintentional? Yeah, right...)

Look Brooks, I understand as well as the next guy that the No1 reason we're there is to please Arab dictators. Fine. I get it. Then we need to please the generals. You've heard the expression "going postal." Well, when generals have no wars to fight, they "go general" and that's ugly. Then, of course, we need to satisfy the needs of the experts who advise the generals before they go general. (And then the pizza deliverers...)

Brooks should take his logic to the next step. We need drunk drivers to serve the needs of ER doctors. We need criminals to give lawyers something to do. We need children to satisfy pedophiles and women to keep rapists in business. We need large urban centers to make Shock & Awe possible. We need the New York Times to showcase the twisted minds of its columnists.

Posted at February 12, 2008 09:55 AM

Gotta love the analogies. Does "Bobo" put any thought at all into his column before he puts pen to paper(or fingers to keyboard)?

Posted by: Joe Klein's conscience at February 12, 2008 11:04 AM

AS LONG AS U&I pay to be there, WE will be there, and WE will be there as long as U&I keep paying to be there WE will keep on being there. WHEN WE stop paying to stay in IRAQ then WE leave IRAQ. YOU can't stay if you don't PAY.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at February 12, 2008 01:54 PM

My goodness, you could choke a horse with all the a priori in that statement. Of course, before you could choke the horse, you'd have to devise some sort of whip.

Posted by: Keith at February 12, 2008 01:58 PM

Has Brooks checked with the Iraqi people? Seems they might have something to say about it.

Posted by: SteveB at February 12, 2008 05:10 PM

You ignorant lapine! I've been to Yugoslavia and I know how the world works better than you ever will! Hares! I can quote David Brooks to you in Croatian, but you'd be too dumb to understand it! Pikas! Sometimes you have to fight wars in the Middle East to please Arab dictators and your own military junta, and, uh, their pizza delivery services. That's just how it is, you, you... wascally wabbits!

Posted by: StO at February 12, 2008 07:03 PM

well, Brooks can be a bit annoying, but people listen to him, and he often is pretty much right, in a greater or lesser degree. And in this instance, he is more or less right, even if your fruitcake Dennis were president, there would be a lot of resistance to a rapid withdrawal from many quarters. But what I really can't fathom is why you people hate Friedman so much. Now he really is smart and well-informed, some I can consider a peer, and his politics are guided by decency and common sense.... Oh, I just answered my own question.

Posted by: xyz at February 13, 2008 11:38 AM

But what I really can't fathom is why you people hate Friedman so much. Now he really is smart and well-informed, some I can consider a peer, and his politics are guided by decency and common sense....

My god, are you serious? Oh, I get it, you're making a parody, right? If not, then happy peerdom to you both.

Posted by: catherine at February 13, 2008 01:44 PM

Hey xyz,

Suck. On. This.

Posted by: buermann at February 13, 2008 02:02 PM

No, Friedman and xyz (pronounced "zizz", right?) are peers. Xyz is the cabdriver who takes Friedman to and from JFK. No doubt you've seen him quoted in Friedman's column a time or two. Would Freidman be quoting him so frequently if they weren't peers?

Posted by: SteveB at February 13, 2008 05:25 PM

Come on. Its "pizza delivery guys". Even chicks who might in theory deliver a pizza (though I must say, I have had my share of pizzas delivered to me in an emphatically non-metaphorical way and nada on the chick-ee-poos) are "pizza delivery guys".

Posted by: Timeh at February 14, 2008 07:17 AM