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October 29, 2007

Why We Don't Get Invited To Planet Earth Block Parties

Mankind finds, kills world's oldest animal.

Posted at October 29, 2007 02:40 PM | TrackBack

I saw this story on I'm glad I'm not the only one who found it depressing.

Posted by: StO at October 29, 2007 05:02 PM

Depressing, what the hell were they thinking? No antlers, no teeth, no claws, not even a head to mount over the mantle. Clam shells over the mantle, sooooo yuppie. (they probably TORTURED it to death sawing it up for age verification)

Posted by: Mike Meyer at October 29, 2007 05:41 PM


this is why i am so glad i am a vegetarian. and so sad that i am a human

Posted by: almostinfamous at October 29, 2007 09:51 PM

How predictable, Jonathan. Must reality always conform to your gloomy, fatalistic narrative? This is exactly why the left is so moribund.

The fact is, somewhere the "oldest animal on earth" is alive and well--and will remain so, until we kill IT, thus bumping the second-oldest animal into first place. And so on. It's called "creating opportunity." Enterprising people know this.

Get with the discourse of hope.

Posted by: Duncan Clark at October 30, 2007 01:17 AM

At least he was killed by college professors and students doing homework, and not while they were DUI.

He would be happy to know he ended up as someone's homework. I would.

Posted by: En Ming Hee at October 30, 2007 02:51 AM

Duncan, that is absolutely brilliant. It reminds me of Colbert at his best.

Posted by: SteveB at October 30, 2007 09:04 AM

Holy hell, SteveB, thanks, and funny you should say that. My gf, who adores Colbert, was recently attempting to deflate my sense of self-importance. Too bad for her now.

Posted by: Duncan Clark at October 30, 2007 08:21 PM

Didn't the same kind of thing happen with the world's oldest tree? I remember something about biologists taking a core sample of a bristlecone pine, and the instrument getting stuck in the tree, so they got permission to cut down the tree to extract the corer, and found that the tree was by far the oldest one they had sampled yet.

Posted by: pc loadletter at October 30, 2007 09:01 PM

Duncan; I, for one, think your girlfriend is correct in attempting to deflate your sense of self-importance.

P.S Totally JKing, lolerz.

P.P.S. send your niece money

P.P.P.S The good one, not the blond one.

Posted by: Mary Clark at October 31, 2007 10:44 PM