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May 23, 2007

A Short History Of Presidential Rhetoric

"If we quit Vietnam, tomorrow we'll be fighting in Hawaii, and next week we'll have to fight in San Francisco."

President Lyndon Johnson

"Now, many critics compare the battle in Iraq to the situation we faced in Vietnam. There are many differences between the two conflicts, but one stands out above all: The enemy in Vietnam had neither the intent nor the capability to strike our homeland. The enemy in Iraq does. Nine-eleven taught us that to protect the American people, we must fight the terrorists where they live so that we don't have to fight them where we live."

President George W. Bush, May 23, 2007

"The Solar Wars have been compared to Iraq and Vietnam. However, there's one key difference: we could leave Vietnam and Iraq and the enemy would not follow us home. But if we do not defeat the Space Ark Colonists on Jupiter, soon we will be fighting them on Mars. Then we shall be fighting them in the upper ionosphere. And then on Gaia herself."

—President Xerxes Poponopolus, January 22, 2041

Posted at May 23, 2007 11:57 PM | TrackBack

Mom used to say it was the Boogeyman, works like a champ.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at May 24, 2007 03:14 AM

Or in this case works like a chimp.

It is so true, over there but not here seems to be the key even on the planet Zixylchimpanus. I could not read his speech for more than a few paragraphs because his speeches make me cross-eyed but I noticed Bush mentioned Katrina only once but managed to slip in 9/11 seventeen times. So many times that who ever transcribed it wrote it as nine-eleven near the end of the speech instead of 9/11 just to relieve the monotony of writing 9/11 seventeen times. I was going to count how many times Bush referred to al Qaeda but my right eye seemed to be developing a tick and I quit before the men in white decided I was a rubber room candidate. It may be too late though, I think I hear them knocking on my door. Gotta run now.

Posted by: rob payne at May 24, 2007 04:00 AM

That's very funny, Jon. As if there'll be human life on Earth in 2041. Good one!

Posted by: Dennis Perrin at May 24, 2007 08:16 AM

If POTUS declares, in 2007, that the enemy in Vietnam had neither capability nor intent to strike the USA, shouldn't we:
1. Examine and revise our teaching of that little episode in our history.
2. Determine how to deal with our slaughter of more than a million Vietnamese and Cambodians.
3. Deternmine who in our government, knowing then what POTUS just admitted,should be called to account for what they ordered done and did to people who could not harm our homeland and had no intention of doing so in the first place.
Commissions? Congressional investigations? War crimes trials, even posthumously for the likes of RMN?
But what the hell, this is the USA and mistakes were made, all in "good faith" or on "bad information." Nobody's really, really responsible.
A nation of fools and victims. And, mostly of sheep.
The Germans did dig into their history. With a vengeance. By gum, they're still at it. Look at DER SPIEGEL, the exhibition and book about the Wehrmacht's role in mass murder in Poland, Ukraine, Russia.
And we? We declare the second half of the 20th century the "age of Nixon" and whip out the hankies at his funeral. How'd we get this way?

Posted by: donescobar at May 24, 2007 09:49 AM

...that's "poponopolo-U-S", thank you very much.

Posted by: xerxes at May 24, 2007 10:22 AM

Actually, it's Poponopoulos. Also, comparing scum like Poponopoulos to Bush or Johnson is really outrageous. Johnson and Bush never did anything even remotely comparable to neutron-bombing New Caledonia on Mars or releasing that nano-bot virus that melted the brains of anyone who opposed them politically.

Posted by: saurabh at May 24, 2007 10:55 AM

"Those who have had a chance for four years and could not produce peace should not be given another chance." --Richard Nixon, 9 October 1968

Posted by: darrelplant at May 24, 2007 11:49 AM

hey, i think i know how to spell my own name. i've already mastered time travel, spelling ain't so tuff.
next time, i bring the nanobots.

and just for the record, the neutron bombing was hilary's idea.

Posted by: xerxes at May 24, 2007 12:28 PM

I'd be lucky if we ever manage to get to Jupiter and be Space Ark least that would be a good distance to view the bombed out husk of Earth from.

Posted by: En Ming Hee at May 24, 2007 03:40 PM

I used to blame 'other Americans' for the ascension of George Bush and his monstrous yet incompetent administration.

Then I realized that I felt powerless to end his reign through ANY legal or illegal means.

Many other Americans must feel the same way; only a few now have any confidence in the ability of the Bush regime or the GOP to run the country or guide its affairs.

For all of those who think we should 'do something' I would like to know: WHAT????

I'm drawing a blank here, and while I would like to get that cowardly, lying pissant out of our misery once and for all, I also don't have any appetite for law-breaking or violence, and I'm not rich, either.

Posted by: Jon Koppenhoefer at May 24, 2007 05:07 PM

Given the state of the Bay Area, I'd tell Lyndon we lost.

(just kidding)

Posted by: dee at May 24, 2007 05:55 PM

Jon Koppenhoefer: STOP PAYING THEM, TAXPROTEST IS NOT ILLEGAL. Save your money, keep it in your pocket. (call you Congressional Representative and discuss TAXPROTEST TIED TO YOUR CONCERNS, whether you actually refuse payment or not) ( a phonecall NOT violence)

Posted by: Mike Meyer at May 24, 2007 07:53 PM