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May 19, 2006

Stutts! Stutts! Stutts!

My alma mater Stutts University obviously leads the world in all areas of human endeavor. (Stutts also leads the universe in trans-human endeavors, though the details of this are for us to know and you to find out.)

And since cheating is a human endeavor, Stutts is better than everyone else at that too:

The Alternative Moralities (“AltMo”) major was instituted at Stutts four years ago, but it’s already one of the most visible, powerful departments on campus. Though it started out as a branch of the Philosophy department, its wild popularity with the students—along with some Machievellian dealings by the AltMo professors themselves—soon made it one of the most voices inside Stutts. Proof of this came on April 23, 2003, when CHEATSTAR-1, the first-ever satellite dedicated solely to academic malfeasance, was lifted into geosynchronous orbit.

“There are times in life when the standard paradigm does not work,” President Rivington said in his pre-launch remarks. “That’s why we encourage our students to seek out new solutions, wherever they might be. Studying for a test, memorizing the information—that’s one solution. Uploading your entire textbook to CHEATSTAR, is simply another, more efficient solution…We know our students could ace any test if they wanted to—they’re Stutts students. That’s why nobody gets anything lower than a ‘B,’” Whitbread said, “and that’s why we’re launching CHEATSTAR.”

ALSO: There's some sad news from Stutts as well. Apparently Shabby's, the used bookstore that has made generations of Stutts students smell slightly mildewed, has closed. Never again will Stuttsians be attacked by the pack of feral cats known to prowl the basement's extensive World War I history section.

Posted at May 19, 2006 10:33 PM | TrackBack

Roflmao. Like WE would associate with a "B" student, even a STUTTS student. BTW, you forgot to use ALL CAPS FOR STUTTS. One demerit for you.

Posted by: spiiderweb at May 19, 2006 11:44 PM