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May 18, 2006

Stutts! Stutts! Stutts!

So there's a new article in the Washington Monthly by Zachary Roth about the Democrats' fear they might be seen to stand for something:

What will the Democrats really do if they win the House? I spoke to a broad range of Beltway Democrats...Lanny Davis, who served as White House counsel to President Clinton, [argued] that any use of Congressional investigations that's not directly focused on solving the public's problems will backfire on Democrats. “I could come up with a hundred investigations, and 90 percent of the American public would say: 'Can you please do something about our public school system?' And: 'Would you please tell me why we're not energy-independent enough?' And: 'Would you please get us out of Iraq and make us safe from terrorism?'” he told me. “I don't care about digging up whether Bush lied or not, or whether they manipulated evidence or not. That's just playing gotcha.”

You can only learn this combination of moral integrity and tactical brilliance at one place: Stutts University. Not surprisingly, as his online biography makes clear, Mr. Davis landed the treasured Stutts triple axel: he graduated from Stutts, was chairman of the Stutts Daily Spectacle, and then went to Stutts Law School. He currently sits on the board of the famous Stutts magazine Hmm: A Journal of Reasoned, Centrist Quibbling.

Posted at May 18, 2006 10:16 AM | TrackBack

In order to be flexible enough to stick the Stutts Triple Axel, it seems that both spine and brain must be removed.

Fortunately, Stutts has an excellent medical school (curiously enough, located on Congress Avenue), and they can perform this procedure on an outpatient basis. In fact, on an outgoing basis. You get it right behind the stage after receiving your diploma.

Posted by: Aaron Datesman at May 18, 2006 12:00 PM

Actually, the journal you mention is called "OTOH."

Baby Jesus giggles when you combine threads.

Posted by: Mike of Angle at May 18, 2006 12:10 PM

Hey, wait a minute... is there some sort of connection between Stutts and Yale that I'm not getting here?

Posted by: saurabh at May 18, 2006 01:00 PM

a problem about investigating lies that led to a war is this: all wars are based on lies, and the gubmint don't want to make their best scam obsolete.

Posted by: joe_christmas at May 18, 2006 02:39 PM

does anyone else get the feeling that it's all just a harlem globetrotters-washington generals scenario (i have seen the analogy made a few times) and that by depending on the democrats to take a stand we're actually depending on the generals to actually make an attempt to win the game? the generals' purpose is to lose and be good sports about it.

Posted by: joe_christmas at May 18, 2006 02:42 PM

Joe's right. If they play their proper role, there will be "plenty of career" crumbs for everyone. :)

Posted by: Brian Miller at May 18, 2006 05:22 PM

I have such a clear memory of Lanny, with Foggy and Buzzy, explaining to the dean about that fraternity prank we did -- the one where we burned down the old folks home! God that was fun. A who knew the bedridden really can't get outta bed? Seems to me I wouldn't want to live anymore anyway, but you never can tell with people.

The way Lanny explained that that was the past, and we had to look to the future -- for instance, our frat's drive to donate blood to this foundation for arson victims -- was so moving and strategically sound that Hil -- who'd come to the meeting to represent our sister sorority -- got this almost amorous look in her eyes.

You know, it really is all about the future, and man reaching for the stars.

Posted by: roger at May 19, 2006 03:32 PM

When Stuts grads have their brains and spines removed what happens to the Skull and Bones?

I'm one of those Democrats who wants revenge. Oops I meant justice.

Posted by: Maezeppa at May 19, 2006 04:04 PM