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"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show

"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket

"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

February 23, 2006

No Place Like Home

We all remember Bob Dole's moving words in May, 1996, when he announced he would be giving up his Senate seat to run for president:

"I will seek the presidency with nothing to fall back on but the judgment of the people and nowhere to go but the White House or home."

This was truly eloquent. What few know, however, is that the first draft was even better:

"I will seek the presidency with nothing to fall back on but a cushy sinecure lobbying the U.S. on behalf of the feudal overlords of the United Arab Emirates."

BONUS: Dole's resignation speech was written by Mark Helprin, conservative commentator and author of the novel Winter's Tale. I wish I could email this little jokey-joke to him, because I bet he'd really get a kick out of it.

Posted at February 23, 2006 03:31 PM | TrackBack

that or cry into his whiskey-filled glass, ruining some perfectly good scotch.

Posted by: almostinfamous at February 23, 2006 08:30 PM

There's no such thing as good scotch.

Posted by: saurabh at February 24, 2006 09:09 AM