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February 07, 2006

Other Things Al Qaeda Forgets

As Attorney General Gonzales pointed out yesterday, if the media didn't talk about it all the time, Al Qaeda would forget we were monitoring them:

GONZALES: I think, based on my experience, it is true -- you would assume that the enemy is presuming that we are engaged in some kind of surveillance.

But if they're not reminded about it all the time in the newspapers and in stories, they sometimes forget.

Indeed, one of our greatest strengths in the War on Terror has been the inherent forgetfulness of our enemy. Or at least, it WOULD be a strength—if the god damn media weren't always reminding them of stuff. Here are some other examples:

1. Al Qaeda sometimes forgets we're mad at them

President Bush has sent numerous cards to Osama bin Laden, saying they're best friends and inviting bin Laden to brunch at the White House. On several occasions bin Laden was about to accept. Then the media reminded him we were actually mad at him, and he realized it was a trick!

2. Al Qaeda sometimes forgets to use bombs

Once Al Qaeda was planning an operation where several crack operatives were going to—with no warning whatsoever—give thousands of American children a delicious Fig Newton. Then the media reminded them that they specialize in blowing things up, and they called it off.

3. Al Qaeda sometimes forgets to eat food

For four days in July, 2004, every member of Al Qaeda forgot to eat. They were getting dizzy and irritable, and eventually would have all starved to death. But the media reminded them they must eat to live, and they all went out for a big steak dinner!!!

Posted at February 7, 2006 07:59 AM | TrackBack

Man, *I* don't even forgte the government might be listening to me, and feel leery of discussing illegal activities pver the phone. This is dumb, of course, but if even good ole me is paranoid about it and thinks about it all the time, imagine what someone who actually has good cause to suspect they're being monitored thinks.

Posted by: saurabh at February 7, 2006 10:09 AM

*illegal* activities? *I* get nervous discussing perfectly legal activities like bill-paying. Besides all the usual civil liberty objections, I can't help but wonder if staff of an executive branch with NO oversight are in an ideal position to violate one's privacy in totally apolitical ways---who can catch them? And I'm one of the more trusting people I know. But I keep reading that damn media.

Posted by: Saheli at February 7, 2006 11:56 AM

I think it's clear--as would Jon if he weren't blinded by sectarian hate--that most of our country's problems, foreign and domestic, are caused by our over-vigilant media. If we could only get some corrupt corporate toadies in there who were willing to work WITH the government, and not against it, think how wonderful life would be..A boy can dream...

Posted by: Mike G at February 7, 2006 12:26 PM

That reasoning would work on a five year old, dammit! Not a fullgrown supposedly Machiavellian genius!

"Mommy mommy, it's not that I didn't want to go to school and played hooky instead, it's because the Lousy Liberal Mainstream Media did not remind me that I needed to go to school."

Posted by: En Ming Hee at February 7, 2006 12:30 PM

Gosh, and I worry because I forget things like what my point was going to be when I started a sentence. I wonder why we haven't caught all these dumb bunnies? Clearly, the Liberal Media is way more informative than I realized.

Posted by: Maud at February 8, 2006 07:36 PM