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January 18, 2006

I'VE GOT TO READ THIS BOOK

Scribner recently offered me a promotional copy of a new novel they're publishing called Prayers for the Assassin, by Robert Ferrigno. I certainly appreciated this, although I suspect if they included this wee little blarf there's essentially no one with a website they didn't approach.

In any case, it just arrived. Here's the back copy:

THE YEAR IS 2040. New York and Washington are nuclear wastelands. The nation is divided between an Islamic Republic across the north and the Christian Bible Belt in the old South. The shift was precipitated by simultaneous, suitcase-nuke detonations in New York City, Washington, and Mecca, a sneak attack blamed on Israel, and known as the Zionist Betrayal. Now alcohol is outlawed, replaced by Jihad Cola, and mosques dot the skyline. Veiled women hurry through the streets. Freedom is controlled by the state, paranoia rules, and rebels plot to regain free will...

In this tense society beautiful young historian Sarah Dougan uncovers shocking evidence that the Zionist Betrayal was actually a plot carried out by a radical Muslim now poised to overtake the entire nation. Sarah's research threatens to expose him, and soon she and her lover, Rakkin Epps, an elite Muslim warrior, find themselves hunted by Darwin, a brilliant psychopathic killer. Rakkin must become Darwin's assassin—a most forbidding challenge. The bloody chase takes them from the outlaw territories of the Pacific Northwest to the anything-goes glitter of Las Vegas—and culminates dramatically as Rakkim and Sarah battle to reveal the truth to the entire world.

I see.

I...see.

I will read this quickly, and report back on what the publication of this work Means For America.

Posted at January 18, 2006 07:28 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Wow. It sounds like utter tripe. Does the author also do fan fiction for Lost?

Posted by: Geggy at January 18, 2006 08:16 PM

Las Vegan? Was that a Freudian slip, or just fucking brilliant?

Posted by: Sully at January 18, 2006 08:16 PM

Was that a Freudian slip, or just fucking brilliant?

Uh, fucking brilliant. Which is why I've already changed it. After consideration, I've decided parading my brilliance in front of the world is just bad manners.

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at January 18, 2006 08:29 PM

Uh, did I read a kitchen sink in there too?

Sounds simply awful, and a truly lame attempt to integrate all the bad pop "entertainment" fads (with the possible exception of a "reality" show element)

Is something wrong with me that I feel a little inundated with the "brilliant psychotic killer" motif. Gosh, there must be about a 100-to-1 fictional-to-real ratio of these guys. And just what the hell does it mean for him to be named Darwin?

eh, on second thought I'm not even interested enough to decide I hate the damn thing.

Posted by: rubberband at January 18, 2006 08:55 PM

How can it be worthwhile with no superpowered G. Gordon Liddy?

Posted by: KCinDC at January 18, 2006 10:29 PM

Ferrigno once wrote for The Rocket, a Seattle alt-weekly the predated The Stranger. His stuff was good then. He took off to write novels and screenplays, and it would seem as if his work has gone to into a bit of a decline. This sounds dreadful.

Posted by: Strident Complainer at January 18, 2006 10:38 PM

Was gonna just let it slide, but...

I immediately thought of the movie Escape From New York, a story which would sound horrible if condensed. The hero is named Snake for gawd sake. And, yes, I liked that movie.

I'll wait for Jonathan's take on it.

Posted by: oldguy at January 18, 2006 11:34 PM

And a novel like this comes out of the mind of a supposedly more educated American.

That's it.

Why doesn't anyone think about writing an alternate future novel where the "New West" emerges as the oil supply runs out, and then some college students in the cities have to make it home by learning all the crafts of the Old West? That's far likelier and more entertaining than this...

Posted by: En Ming Hee at January 18, 2006 11:37 PM

It's sort of the ultimate in American victimology. We've turning half the young women of Russia and Thailand into pornie girls, are doing God-knows-what to the Iraqis. Here's from MLK's "Beyond Vietnam":

"We have destroyed their two most cherished institutions: the family and the village. We have destroyed their land and their crops. We have cooperated in the crushing of the nation's only noncommunist revolutionary political force, the unified Buddhist Church. We have supported the enemies of the peasants of Saigon. We have corrupted their women and children and killed their men."

But now WE'RE the ones under threat, they are changing our flag (recall Chalabi or one of our cronies tried to change the Iraqi flag into one with the colors of the Israeli flag...)

Posted by: sam at January 19, 2006 04:16 AM

Ferrigno was great as the Hulk. You could see the humanity.

Posted by: Simbaud at January 19, 2006 05:23 AM

When I saw this movie, it had Mel Gibson in it. Or was it Kevin Costner? I always get those two confused. They're such pre- and post-apocalyptic hunks. Keanu Reeves played Darwin, Cindy Crawford played Sarah, and Costner/Gibson played Rakkin. Morgan Freeman played a wise outlaw gang leader (who met an undeserved fate), and James Caan played the suave manager of the casino in Vegas where it all went down in a game of high stakes stud poker. Oh, and Edward James Olmos played the clandestine Arab behind the Zionist Betrayal plot. It was smokin'. Best movie since Dreamcatcher.

I'd double check to make sure that this actually wasn't published by Skribners or Scribbnor.

Posted by: Bunner at January 19, 2006 09:46 AM

This sounds HILARIOUS.

Posted by: Bret Gillan at January 19, 2006 10:26 AM

I meant brilliant on Ferrigno's part-- I like the idea of "anything-goes glitter" among vegans.

What's the line from "Annie Hall"? "Liberal homosexual pornographer responsible-consumers?"

Posted by: Sully at January 19, 2006 10:36 AM

I like speculative fiction but this sounds about as likely as "...the blue angels, but with pigs."

A more likely outcome of suitcase nukes in NYC, DC, and Mecca: Nothing.

Posted by: Jimmy at January 19, 2006 10:57 AM

Here's a link to Mr. Potboiler's blog on the subject of his own book:
http://www.republicworldnews.com/robertsblog/overview.

Posted by: Geggy at January 19, 2006 11:05 AM

This is worse than overt hate or propaganda lit. This is half-informed, popular fiction. I'm terrified.

Posted by: Lennonist at January 19, 2006 11:05 AM

Not to get all sci-fi fan geeky, but this is like the corpse of George Alec Effinger being fucked up the ass by Johnny Ringo.

I guess "Locus" better save some ad-space for when Ferrigno poops out his next pot-boiler.

Posted by: Walter at January 19, 2006 01:02 PM

Thank god that young historian is beautiful. And young. Otherwise no one could get interested...

Posted by: halfmad at January 19, 2006 03:21 PM

It sounds like a really weak update of Philip K. Dick's Man in the High Castle. :/

Posted by: Zach at January 20, 2006 12:20 PM

My favorite part of the book is where Rakkim and Sarah stop for fast food at Falafel King instead of Kentucky Fried Falafel. And she gets tahini on her silver spandex space burka. And he finds the severed hand of a holo-koran-data thief in his tabouleh. Man, who knew the future would be so strange!

Posted by: Smeg Head at January 20, 2006 03:24 PM

Smeg Head,

That comment deeply pleased me. Thank you.

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at January 20, 2006 04:46 PM

Happy to oblige. I was gravely dissapointed when the year 2000 rolled around and we weren't all issued silver suits. There was a tacit contract!

Speaking of burkas, ever seen the Canadian series The Newsroom? Hilarious. Everyone should watch it, Clockwork Orange-style if necessary. In one episode in the second series, the obtuse anchor asks the executive producer about whatever happened to the "burka" on Salman Rushdie's head. Although the producer corrects him (fatwah), he later makes the same mistake and causes Rushdie to walk from a scheduled interview (Rushdie won't interview with an idiot). Excellent media satire. I suppose we should expect nothing less from McLuhan's homeland.

Posted by: Smeg Head at January 20, 2006 05:39 PM

Not only have I never seen The Newsroom, I actually had never heard of it until you mentioned it just now.

Some people might claim this says a lot about me, but I think it really says a lot about the failure of Canadian television to spend $100 billion promoting every show, including projecting advertisments for them on the moon.

In any case, thanks for the recommendation. I'll definitely check it out.

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at January 20, 2006 06:04 PM