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December 07, 2005

To Me, This Is An Argument For Giving The CIA Much More Power

This Washington Post article on "erroneous renditions" isn't just about enemas, of course. It's of interest for many non-enema reasons as well. Just for instance:

The CIA inspector general is investigating a growing number of what it calls "erroneous renditions," according to several former and current intelligence officials.

One official said about three dozen names fall in that category; others believe it is fewer. The list includes several people whose identities were offered by al Qaeda figures during CIA interrogations, officials said. One turned out to be an innocent college professor who had given the al Qaeda member a bad grade, one official said.

Yes, things are going just as well as you'd expect.

Small, barren cell in an unknown location. SEVERAL CIA AGENTS, including the LEAD CIA INTERROGATOR, stand around a handcuffed KHALID SHEIKH MOHAMMAD.

I plotted 9/11 with an old professor of mine.

Hawk, Sparrow, this is yours. I want this professor waterboarded in the Salt Pit by 0700 tomorrow!

Yes sir!

(Two agents quickly exit)

Who else?

Well, Al Qaeda's mastermind, of course, is my, um, ex-girlfriend. She was going to, uh, hijack Air Force One. With a nuke.

Was she working alone?

Um, together with my old landlord. And my neighbor with the yappy dog! My neighbor and landlord were also, uh, collaborating on a special hybrid anthrax-syphilis-smallpox-plague. They're genetic engineering geniuses.

(Writing in notepad) Got it.

Make sure you rough up the dog.

(Writing) Yappy dog...extreme prejudice. (Pause) Is that it?

No. I haven't even mentioned the most vicious terrorists of all: those fuckers at the Visa collections department.

How many of them are there?

I don't know. 1,000? Better get them all, just to be sure. What you have to understand is that every collections agent at Visa has sworn eternal jihad against the Jew-Crusader alliance.

Posted at December 7, 2005 07:27 PM | TrackBack

You're on a roll with these plays. Please keep it up, I need the laughs.

Posted by: anonymous at December 7, 2005 08:07 PM

Did you catch the bit back in 2003 or so when their "terrorist" gave them the plot to Godzilla 2000 and they actually closed the Brooklyn Bridge?

Posted by: Ed Marshall at December 7, 2005 08:23 PM

And those people with the giant inflatable Christmas decorations, don't forget them...!

The mainstream media needs some "extreme prejudice" over all this Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey coverage, too.

Posted by: Jeff (no, the other one) at December 8, 2005 08:09 AM

Hey! Ed, that was the plot to "Godzilla", the crappy American movie, NOT "Godzilla 2000", the campy Japanese movie. It's important to make these distinctions if we want to avoid a cross-cultural "incident", especially one possibly involving giant monsters.

Posted by: saurabh at December 8, 2005 09:04 AM

We have met the enema and he is us.

Posted by: Tirebiter in Sector R at December 9, 2005 08:08 AM