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"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
December 07, 2005
To Me, This Is An Argument For Giving The CIA Much More Power
The CIA inspector general is investigating a growing number of what it calls "erroneous renditions," according to several former and current intelligence officials.
One official said about three dozen names fall in that category; others believe it is fewer. The list includes several people whose identities were offered by al Qaeda figures during CIA interrogations, officials said. One turned out to be an innocent college professor who had given the al Qaeda member a bad grade, one official said.
Yes, things are going just as well as you'd expect.
Small, barren cell in an unknown location. SEVERAL CIA AGENTS, including the LEAD CIA INTERROGATOR, stand around a handcuffed KHALID SHEIKH MOHAMMAD.
I plotted 9/11 with an old professor of mine.
LEAD CIA INTERROGATOR
Hawk, Sparrow, this is yours. I want this professor waterboarded in the Salt Pit by 0700 tomorrow!
Well, Al Qaeda's mastermind, of course, is my, um, ex-girlfriend. She was going to, uh, hijack Air Force One. With a nuke.
Was she working alone?
Um, together with my old landlord. And my neighbor with the yappy dog! My neighbor and landlord were also, uh, collaborating on a special hybrid anthrax-syphilis-smallpox-plague. They're genetic engineering geniuses.
(Writing in notepad) Got it.
(Writing) Yappy dog...extreme prejudice. (Pause) Is that it?
How many of them are there?
I don't know. 1,000? Better get them all, just to be sure. What you have to understand is that every collections agent at Visa has sworn eternal jihad against the Jew-Crusader alliance.