or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
September 27, 2005
New Slogans For The Democratic Party
Earlier I wondered who knew which U.S. President's family fortune came from selling opium. This is a shard of information that was unknown to me until 2002, so I was curious how widely it's known.
The answer I was looking for was Franklin D. Roosevelt, although I may have been wrong about there being just ONE president whose money was opium-based. In any case, thanks to Bob of Bob's Links and Rants for being the first person to chime in with FDR. But don't take our word for it; just ask the National Park Service:
Sara Delano Roosevelt [FDR's mother] was the daughter of Warren Delano, a wealthy merchant who made a fortune in the tea and opium trade in China...
Thisâ€â€combined with Joseph Kennedy's enthusiastic business dealings with bootleggers during prohibitionâ€â€has always made me think the Democratic party should come up with some new slogans. For instance:
"The Democratic Party: All Our Best Guys are the Children of Druglords.""The Democrats: Blood Money FOR THE PEOPLE."
Other suggestions welcome.
UPDATE: The comments are significantly funnier than the post.
Posted at September 27, 2005 11:42 AM | TrackBackWhy would anyone want to besmirch honest druglords by associating them with Democrats?! That aside, I can't resist a slogan contest.
The Democratic Party: Full four finger zees -- for your future.
The Democratic Party: We don't step on the shit -- any shit.
The Democratic Party: Fat bags, clean spoons and investment in the best public works.
Posted by: Harry at September 27, 2005 12:59 PM"Democrats: Pot in every chicken"
"Democrats: The New Dealers"
"Wild crazy far-out happy days are here again"
"From Shanghai to Mena, and places in between-a: Democrats--for a higher America"
"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."
The Democratic Party: We're here, we're becoming rapidly irrelevant, get used to it.
The Democratic Party: Rapidly following the Whigs into oblivion.
The Democratic Party: We're not the Racist Party anymore, but we are useless.
The Democratic Party: We love the Middle of the Road, because it's a great place to get run over by a steamroller.
The Democrats: Near Death, But Still Running
The Democrats: As If Anything We Do Matters
The Democrats: We Backed Osama Before Osama Was Cool
The Democrats: Maybe Jim Crow Wasn't All That Bad
Posted by: kyle santo at September 27, 2005 02:52 PMKyle, if that's Mondale, I'd really like to meet his mortician, his reanimator and his hairdresser. He's one swift looking zombie.
Posted by: Harry at September 27, 2005 06:12 PMChill guys,
If the law was an ass to begin with, it makes it only groovier to break it. I personally thought prohibition was one of the most asinine things to ever happen in the US...
Posted by: En Ming Hee at September 27, 2005 11:05 PMAnd my final slogan.
The Democrats: Long live the party of the Epicurean Bacchanals.
Posted by: En Ming Hee at September 27, 2005 11:08 PMThe Democratic Party: We're waiting for the man.
Posted by: Brian at September 27, 2005 11:41 PMWe're the Democratic Party. No, we're the Democratic Party. You shut up. No, you shut up.
Posted by: Maud at September 28, 2005 01:11 AMThere's a delicious masochism to Prohibition. The self-loathing demographic can hold forth on the value of partial decriminalization, while searching their kids' rooms every night to make sure they're not growing enough pot to give the cops justification to seize their house. The blue noses can scream out strange, alcohol and tranquilizer-fueled jeremiads against the polluting of our national bodily fluids.
Preznidential candidates can stare into camera and warble the most fatuous pieties. The home audience, vaguely aware even through their SSRI haze that they're all read from a telemprompter, can soak up the dissonance that they'll soothe with tailgating on their daily commute.
Reporters subsisting on ramen noodles, and praying for the joys of a cat food dinner retirement, can blow the lid (no pun intended) off the money trail. Other reporters can be hounded into suicide, wellstoned or both.
Prohibition and the War on (some) Drugs must never end.
Posted by: Harry at September 28, 2005 03:08 AMThe Democratic Party- We're here, we're there but, are we anywhere?
Posted by: Don Nash at September 28, 2005 10:03 AMWell, here's my shots:
The Democratic Party: Yes! No! What was the question?
The Democratic Party: Nearly 1 out of 2 voters agree: We're the best!
The Democratic Party: We need your pity votes.
I'm unhappy that everyone here is funnier than me.
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at September 28, 2005 03:06 PMNearly 1 out of every 2 commenters agree…
Posted by: mk at September 28, 2005 09:28 PMThe Democratic Party: The Real Robin Hood (We take from everybody and give to the poor)
Posted by: Nikhil Mulani at September 29, 2005 06:38 AMIf only, Nikhil. If only.
Posted by: Sully at September 29, 2005 12:19 PMHarry:
Your willful and flagrant use of facts has been noted. Consider this your first and only warning.
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at September 29, 2005 01:52 PMPlease don't throw me in the briar patch! Oh, please don't do that, Jonathan.
:'-(
Posted by: Harry at September 29, 2005 02:15 PMThey're not really that odd, for Democrats. They're pretty mainstream, they're all running for president...
Get used to it!
Crying to follow.
Posted by: Sully at September 29, 2005 08:38 PMDemocrats: Together, we can become France
Posted by: Tom Gumprecht, M.D. at October 30, 2005 09:29 PM
