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August 26, 2005

The True Face of the Pro-Kitten Left

After 9/11, America discovered that The Left loves only three things:

1. Osama bin Laden
2. Saddam Hussein
3. Kittens

The prime offenders are obviously The Editers at The Poormen—along with their henchman Hizloy of Obsidian Wangs. Every post they write is either (1) an oath of fealty to Islamofacism, (2) a spew of shameless kittenism, or (3) both.

Then there are Moonbat heavy-hitters Echlathon at his site "Adios" and Kevin Dram of Political Animals. True, they are not as blatant as The Editorials, tending to concentrate on the more "moderate" celebration of adult cats. But ask yourself this simple question: where do cats come from? Can you be pro-cat without being objectively pro-kitten?

Now comes the unsurprising news that the kittens have mounted a genuine fifth column—moving from quiet sedition to open terrorism against America. Of course, you will wait in vain for The Poormans or Atriot to disavow this kitten. Indeed, if you were to rely on the Left Blogosphere or the MSM, you wouldn't even know this had happened. As of this morning, there's only one man with a large audience who's been both intelligent and honest enough to mention it. That man is Sean Hannity.

Now, as horrifying as all this is, you might think it can't get any worse. But it can: much, much worse.

First, the facts:

According to homicide detectives, on Dec. 13, 2004 at 1:00 a.m., 4 month old Fluffy entered the bedroom of her owner, 79 year-old Thomas Jerry. The kitten sat on the night-table beside her sleeping master and, after several minutes, rose on her little cat feet and pushed a heavy lamp onto Mr. Jerry's head, killing him.

"That cat knew what she was doing," said Bernard Jerry, the grandson of the victim. "She didn't even try to call 911."

Now, the implications:

Many of you are understandably reluctant to accept that your fellow Americans want to destroy our country and turn it over to a combination Taliban-Ba'ath-Kittenist Regime. You cling to a hope that The Poorperson is merely a fringe group with no real influence.

Sadly, you couldn't be more wrong. The Modern Liberal Mainstream is not just supportive of kittens generally—they are longtime allies of FLUFFY HERSELF. Indeed, this Terro-Kitten dwells at the very heart of the Democratic Party. Just take a look at these completely genuine photographs:

Anti-war rally, 1971

Little Rock, Arkansas, 1983

Fluffy the Kitten shaking hands with Saddam, Baghdad, Iraq, 1984

As horrible as it is, we must accept the truth about our opponents. They are not anti-kittens-murdering-people. They are just on the other side.

Posted at August 26, 2005 01:37 PM | TrackBack

Fortunately for America, we have Bill Frist to take on the menace of kittenism, one dissection at a time.

Posted by: WIIIAI at August 26, 2005 05:49 PM

Posted by: Maezeppa at August 26, 2005 05:58 PM

Looks Like The Cat Is Out Of The Bag!

Posted by: Scatamooch at August 26, 2005 09:52 PM

I've suspected Jonathan was a Crypto-Kittenite for a long time. I saw him driving a trailer truck full of kitty litter one day. A few months later, I caught him hanging out by IAMS headquarters wearing those Groucho glasses with the fake nose. This post confirms the sad truth.

Posted by: Harry at August 28, 2005 02:57 AM

And what is the substance that the radiation detectors in our ports confuse with fissionable materials? CAT LITTER!!!

I rest my case. Don't I?

Posted by: Tirebiter in Sector R at August 28, 2005 07:06 AM

When kittens are outlawed, only outlaws will have kittens.

Posted by: Felix at August 29, 2005 07:51 AM


Actually, I've always felt that Frist's insistence on euthanizing the kittens before surgery demonstrates he too is soft on Kittenism.


Thank you. I wish every American would visit that site so as to understand the nature of the foe we're up against.


Yes. That is why it's important to put the cat back into the bag as quickly as possible.


Yes—people such as you, THE TRUE KITTENISTS, always make that accusation against those of us here in the trenches fighting kittenism. Indeed, you and your allies are an even greater threat to our beloved country than the kittens themselves.

Very soon there will be a reckoning.

Tirebiter in Sector R,

Thank you for visiting. As you know, I was one of the earliest supporters of the Tiretbiter for Political Solutions Committee.


That's exactly right, and exactly as it should be.

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at August 29, 2005 12:01 PM

It would be a real shame if you did not read August J. Pollak's xoverboard website. The genius of the "Kitten Off" 2004 may be found here:

Posted by: alexis S at August 29, 2005 12:29 PM

You're dodging the issue, Jon. How could someone without ties to the kittenist inner circles get access to this information and photographic documentation?

Posted by: et alia at August 30, 2005 10:46 AM