You may only read this site if you've purchased Our Kampf from Amazon or Powell's or me
• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show

"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket

"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

June 08, 2005

Nature's Perfect Lying Machine

Millions of years of evolution have designed George W. Bush for one purpose and one purpose only: lying.

Silently he swims through the sea of American politics. He does not sleep. He knows no mercy. And suddenly, with no warning, HE ATTACKS:

Bush-Blair Press Conference, June 7, 2005

Q Thank you, sir. On Iraq, the so-called Downing Street memo from July 2002 says intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy of removing Saddam through military action. Is this an accurate reflection of what happened? Could both of you respond?...

PRESIDENT BUSH: Well, I -- you know, I read kind of the characterizations of the memo... And somebody said, well, you know, we had made up our mind to go to use military force to deal with Saddam. There's nothing farther from the truth.

The fight is quick and bloody:

Interview Of The President By Sir Trevor McDonald Of Britain's Itv Television Network, April 4, 2002

Question: I take your point about no immediate plans, but in a sense, have you made up your mind that Iraq must be attacked?

The President: I made up my mind that Saddam needs to go...

Question: So you're going to go after him?

The President: As I told you, the policy of my government is that Saddam Hussein not be in power.

Question: And how are you going to achieve this, Mr. President?

The President: Wait and see.

And within seconds, the truth is dead:

Press Conference: Prime Minister Tony Blair and President George Bush, April 6, 2002

PRESIDENT BUSH: ...I explained to the Prime Minister that the policy of my government is the removal of Saddam and that all options are on the table.

After a brief feeding frenzy on the corpse of reality, nature's perfect lying machine moves onward. Always searching, always hungry, striking fear in the heart of honesty everywhere.

Posted at June 8, 2005 10:31 AM | TrackBack

As someone cursed with a visceral fear of white sharks (blame JAWS), thanks for making me wet myself a little with the graphic. That's not what I come to ATR for; I want a sort of slow, creeping dread.

Scary pictures, NO! Mordant hopelessness, YES!

Posted by: Mike at June 8, 2005 11:55 AM

Hear, hear! More dread and hopelessness, less bladder busting pictures.

Posted by: Harry at June 8, 2005 12:15 PM

I'm here to speak for the innocent shark who, when feeling a little..."munchy"...can't help him or herself (gotta be p.c. when it comes to the sharks, baby).

Plus, sharks are loners and generally don't wholly devour their prey.

That crazy, Crawford-Ranch-loving fish isn’t working alone.

Piranha might be more apt.


The White House and the OEOB are the most profitable Insane Asylums/Fish Tanks in the World!

Okay, naptime for me.

Posted by: Robert ToTeras at June 8, 2005 12:35 PM

Wah! My first instinct was to take Jonathan to task for putting up that picture. Good to see I'm well-backed up in that complaint. All I can do is stare in horrid fascination at those teeth, imagining them tearing the flesh away from my calves in strips. Wahhhh...

Posted by: saurabh at June 8, 2005 12:49 PM

I think he prefers to be called a disassembling machine.

Posted by: Brent at June 8, 2005 12:57 PM

As a penguin, Jonathan can't be expected to be proactively shark-positive. He quite naturally views them as "the enemy". I might too if they wanted to eat everyone I know. But that still doesn't excuse his flagrant attempts to to make us soak our seat cushions.

Posted by: Harry at June 8, 2005 01:13 PM