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June 01, 2005

Other Things People Who Hate America Have Been Trained To Do

As we know, on Tuesday the president said this:

I'm aware of the Amnesty International report, and it's absurd...

It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of... people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble -- that means not tell the truth.

It's good the president mentioned this—Al Qaeda has poured millions into training people who hate America to disassemble.

Unfortunately, he didn't have time to mention all the OTHER things people who hate America have been trained to do. So as a public service, I will here list just a few:

• lee
• be untrothful
• deceeb
• distorp
• misinfarm
• run a com
• run a reverse com
• prevaricake

and worst of all:

• commit perjappy
Posted at June 1, 2005 04:10 PM | TrackBack

Is anyone else flashing on Johnny Five from Short Circuit? "Disassemble - dead. Dissamble - dead! NO DISASSEMBLE JOHNNY FIVE!" That's what GWB was talking about, right? Al Qaeda wants to disassemble us, Stephanie!

Posted by: saurabh at June 1, 2005 04:18 PM

This funny thing is that at least one newspaper article with wide distribution in the US press (from the Chicago Tribune) edited what Bush said so that the correct word was used.

Posted by: The Haikuist at June 1, 2005 04:58 PM

I suppose you'd prefer they distorp his meaning rather than reassemble it!

"leer leer,
pants on fear!"

Posted by: Hugo at June 1, 2005 06:52 PM

I see from the White House transcript that he went on to say, "And so it was an absurd report. It just is." Which might lead me to think he actually did mean "disassemble"; that is, he believes the Amnesty International reports came from "people trained in some instances to disassemble," i.e. cyborgs. Which would indeed make it absurd.

That explanation lost its credibility, though, once he added: "...that means not tell the truth." You have to hand it to Bush; this is no mere "misunderestimate." Innocent malapropisms are one thing, but misuing a word and then *defining* it, like it's your listeners who are the idiots -- that is not easy to pull off.

Posted by: inkywretch at June 2, 2005 08:58 AM

I just love it when W. acts like Shaquille O'Neal and lovingly tries to teach the press a new word. Except, unlike Shaq, the president always fucks it up, rendering completely un-ironic his ham-fisted stabs at irony. Any pedestrian Freudian analysis would note that there must be some reason that the president — who cannot bear to admit wrongdoing, much less his own venality — would be unable to actually utter a word that means "to lie."

Nonetheless, the president unintentionally reminded me of the most famous literary use of the word he intended to use. From Poe's "Tell-Tale Heart" —

"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! --tear up the planks! here, here! --It is the beating of his hideous heart!"

Posted by: Axis of Evel Knievel at June 3, 2005 12:08 PM