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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket

"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

February 17, 2005

Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned From Brit Hume

You've probably heard about Brit Hume brazenly ripping FDR's words out of context to make it seem like FDR would have supported Bush's Social Security privatization schemes. If not, a good rundown is here.

Seeing this, Bob Harris has presented Brit Hume's other edits of US presidents:

"The truth is that all men... ought to be mistrusted."
-- James Madison

"A pen is certainly an excellent instrument... to inflame... a man."
-- John Adams

"To be prepared for... peace... is one of the most effectual means of preserving... war."
-- George Washington

"Liberty... is a plant."
-- George Washington

"... slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"... Fear... we have nothing."
-- Franklin Roosevelt

"You can fool all of the people... all of the time."
-- Abraham Lincoln

Man, I wish I'd thought of that. At least I can get in on it by presenting Brit Hume's edit of Jesus delivering the Sermon on the Mount:

Blessed are the... evil.

For my sake... kill... kill... thine adversary quickly...

Verily I say unto thee... commit adultery... fornication... adultery... yea, yea!

Posted at February 17, 2005 08:52 PM | TrackBack

hey Jonathan,
Why hasn't anyone commented on this post yet? Clearly you have frightened everybody with...your cleverness. Either that, or...your fearsome...


Posted by: Hugo at February 17, 2005 11:23 PM

Hugo - probably because it's hard to type when laughing so hard. And when you finally can, about all there is left to say is:

Damn that was funny.

Posted by: Arvin Hill at February 17, 2005 11:50 PM

Don't forget aWol himself:

"The man and women of our Armed Forces have delivered a United States: ... you will not escape the justice of this nation."

"Thanks to the work of our law enforcement officials and coalition partners...tens of thousands of trained terrorists are still at large."

"...the United States...States like these, and their terrorist allies, constitute an axis of evil, arming to threaten the peace of the world."

(all above from 2002 SOTU)

And one that needs no editing:

"Bring 'em on."

Posted by: Bob at February 18, 2005 07:46 AM

"Ask...what your country can do for you." -- JFK

"I am...a crook." -- Richard Nixon

Posted by: Bob at February 18, 2005 08:06 AM