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January 24, 2005

Bill Thomas Flies In Emergency Supply Of New Lies

If there's one thing everyone agrees on, it's that American politicians don't lie enough. Sure, the Bush administration launched a war based on hundreds of lies. But we're a big country. With a population of 293,027,000, even a thousand lies means every lie has to be split between 293,027 Americans. There's simply no excuse for this in a nation as rich as ours.

Fortunately, Social Security is an opportunity for public-spirited politicians to produce many more lies. For instance, here's Rep. Bill Thomas (R-CA), chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, yesterday on Meet the Press:

MR. RUSSERT: President Bush has said Social Security is in a crisis. Democrats say hold on, not so fast, it's not a crisis. Is it?

REP. THOMAS: Well, couple of weeks ago, the president had one of his forums in Washington, and if you'll look at what he said actually at that Washington forum, he used the term "problem" 27 times. He used crisis zero.

The forum to which Thomas is referring is the White House Economic Conference last December 16. This is from Bush's closing remarks:

The problem with that when it comes to a modernization of Social Security is, is that the longer we wait, the more expensive the solution becomes. And so one of my jobs, one of my charges is to explain to Congress as clearly as I can, the crisis is now.

The best part of Thomas' lie is its brazenness. Usually when politicians lie, they leave themselves some kind of out, like "To the best of my recollection..." Here, Thomas says he knows the number of times Bush said "problem." So he can't really claim he didn't read the speech at all. This is worth ten of the low-quality "the British government has learned..." lies to which we've grown accustomed.

Kudos also to Tim Russert for letting the lie go by unchallenged. A lie challenged is often a lie destroyed, which leads to the kind of lie-shortage we've faced in the past.

So: thanks, Rep. Thomas! And thanks, Tim! Every lie-hungry American salutes you!

Posted at January 24, 2005 02:03 AM | TrackBack

One notable effect of the lie supply crisis, not that anyone has called it a crisis, is that sane good people have started to suggest sane evil solutions to the insane evil people. Saddam a problem? Why not just murder him! Pharmaceutical shortage? Bribe the sorry sons of bitches! Global warming? Arrest the tree huggers and make them work for free converting power generation to renewables!

But because the solutions are both sane and evil, the insane evil people can't stand them. They get petulant and gesticulate wildly. As a bonus, the insane evil people have enough nukes for the Ultimate Tantrum, which is guaranteed if they look likely to wind up in den Hague.

The insane evil people want to eliminate the horrid social engineering tyranny of Social Security. Ketchup has become more than vegetable. Calling them on their lies strengthens their resolve. It's also not enough for them to torture people. The victims have to sign a certificate of appreciation.

Maybe the solution is to become insane good people, willingly and right away, rather than continue a forced slide into it.

Posted by: Harry at January 24, 2005 03:06 AM

I saw one of those wanks on the Sunday circle jerk circuit make a comment to the effect of:
" We went to Iraq to bring freedom. We did that. We went to Iraq to find Weapons of Mass Destruction. WE DID THAT, TOO"

(my emphasis)

the guy kept a straight face while he said it. I was amazed. However, not much really surprises me anymore. It seems they've just hung up the pretense of truth altogether.

Posted by: Tom at January 25, 2005 02:01 PM