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"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show

"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket

"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

December 08, 2004

I Believe This Is The First Web Site Ever To Link To The Onion

If, like me, you are a bad person, you will find this very funny.

It reminds me of an (unused) joke Mike and I once wrote for Weekend Update:

FDA scientists say a new drug shows great promise in the treatment of cancer, eliminating tumors in 95% of mice tested. Reached for comment, the mice said they were very happy to be cured, but less happy to learn they were still going to be dissected.

UPDATE: Oyster in comments requests more jokes. Well... okay. But if you get buried in the deluge, you have only yourself to blame.

Here are two more to start with (the first was unused, the second aired):

This week Sotheby's auctioned off JFK's cigar box, where he kept Cuban cigars even after the embargo was declared. In fact, Kennedy smoked so many Cuban cigars, he was often heard to say, "Man... one of these days those Cubans are gonna KILL me!"


Lenoria Walker, Houston's director of affirmative action, has resigned after referring to a city councilman as a "midget" instead of using the politically correct term, which is "dwarf." Said Walker, "I guess I have a lot to learn about sensitivity. So, it's hi-ho, hi-ho, away from work I go."
Posted at December 8, 2004 03:20 PM | TrackBack

*Noses the joke lever in hopes another will fall out*

Posted by: oyster at December 8, 2004 03:42 PM

The article on mice was a scream. I am now officially a bad person. I had suspected as much before.

Posted by: Anna in Cairo at December 9, 2004 03:59 AM

Laugh out loud jokes! Thank you. Will you be here all week?

Posted by: oyster at December 9, 2004 02:58 PM

I'd already read the "mice" article. It was the funniest in a while - usually the funniest thing in an Onion article is the headline. This one kept delivering. Best article since the news in brief:

"Scissors beats Rock"

Posted by: rutbag at December 13, 2004 01:21 AM