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October 23, 2004

Am I Shocked That People Have Websites Named "A Tiny Revolution"? Frankly, No

In the annals of craven lickspittle-dom, few have reached the heights achieved by Ted Koppel in his relationship with Henry Kissinger. If you could test Kissinger's shoes for DNA, you would surely find traces of the saliva Koppel has left there while vigorously polishing them with his tongue.

And now that the State Department has made transcripts of Kissinger's phone conversations available online, anyone with an internet connection can enjoy the horrific spectacle:

December 4, 1976

KOPPEL: You looked sensational [on TV]. Tanned and well rested... How was your vacation?

KISSINGER: Very pleasant. We missed you. We expect you to show up.

KOPPEL: Normally I don't let you go without me... How is your schedule for the next couple of weeks because we wanted to have you and Nancy over some evening?... In fact, I am not sure we would have anybody else over. Just a quiet evening.

Ah, a "quiet evening" with Ted Koppel and Henry Kissinger. Nothing could be more enjoyable, except perhaps dying of dysentery.

It's not just Koppel, though. The archives contain the shameless groveling of many other reporters. Still, Koppel remains #1, not least for his unembarrassed reaction to the release of the transcripts:

"Am I shocked by the notion that people were sucking up to a very powerful official they relied on for information?" said Koppel... "Frankly, no."

Well, who can argue with that? It's hard to be "shocked" by the idea that "people" are doing things you already know about because you're doing them yourself. It's like Henry Kissinger saying:

"Am I shocked by the notion that people gave orders to secretly bomb Cambodia, killing hundreds of thousands?... Frankly, no."

Or George W. Bush, saying:

"Am I shocked by the notion that people would invade Iraq over the objections of 90% of humanity?... Frankly, no."

To Koppel's credit, he told the New York Times things haven't gotten better, admitting that "I think if you got the transcripts of yesterday's press phone calls, you'd find the same things."

And after all, he should know:

[Colin] Powell then regaled the audience...

"Every couple of years, Ted will come by my house on the spur of the moment and we'll sit in the back yard and have a cup of coffee... And so about, oh, four or five years ago, he came by the house and he had this real muscle car, and after we had a cup of coffee and chatted for a while, he says, 'You've got to take it out and drive it, Colin. You've just got to drive this thing. I want you to feel that power.' "

Posted at October 23, 2004 06:00 AM | TrackBack

I haven't told you personally yet, but your humor regularly kills. That stuff about Kissinger is hilarious.

Or, I mean it would be, if he weren't such an unimaginable monster.

Posted by: Josh Berthume at October 24, 2004 02:19 AM


Thanks, I appreciate it.

I hope someday to go to a speech by Henry Kissinger with a question and answer section afterward, and ask him: "What is it like to be evil?"

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at October 24, 2004 11:46 AM