Comments: We Have Apprehended The Culprits!

and :

6. The Quakers, whose relentless push for peace aims to destroy the new world order and drain us of our manliness.
7. Women, whose relentless drive for feeling and commitment aims to destroy the new world order and drain us of our manliness.
8. Intellectuals, whose relentless (well, occasional) quest for complexity and questioning aims to destroy the new world order and drain us of our manliness.

And two more, TBD, so you too can have a list of 10. That, too, is part of the American Way. Get with the program.

Posted by donescobar at September 29, 2008 06:49 PM

3. The Homos

Actually all the news stories keep mentioning "homo-nerds", which is strange since I didn't even know that was a constituency, but apparently they're your scapegoat.

Posted by John Caruso at September 29, 2008 07:38 PM

Where was the blame on the Joos?

As far as I'm concerned, the Right always makes a difference between Good Joos like Kissinger, Feith, the Kagans and Wolfowitz, and Bad Joos like say, Nir Rosen.

Posted by En Ming Hee at September 29, 2008 07:38 PM

I'm gay and I like science fiction, can I be one of the homo-nerds responsible?

Posted by ethan at September 29, 2008 07:46 PM

OH YEAH and I just remembered, I'm a little bit jooish, too. Sorry guys!!!!

Posted by ethan at September 29, 2008 07:47 PM

What about the Communists?

Posted by anonymouse at September 29, 2008 07:48 PM

Maybe, one day, somebody will say: what about the Episcopalians?
Are you now or have you ever been an Episcopalian?
Naw, what goes around doesn't have to come around.

Posted by donescobar at September 29, 2008 07:55 PM

Huh? what the hell is this? generally you don't go after fish in a barrel. besides, it's always the Islamofascists, duh.

Posted by Jonathan Versen at September 29, 2008 08:01 PM

I'm actually a little surprised nobody has pinned it on the Islamofascist barbarians, but I guess it's been hard to concoct even a crazed scenario where that would work.

Posted by Donald Johnson at September 29, 2008 09:25 PM

Can #5 be water flouridation? Because it's destroying the purity of our economic essence.

Posted by SteveB at September 29, 2008 10:02 PM

I'm a Librul, and I think the real culprit is, yes, you guessed it, CLINTON. He would have been responsible for the Great Depression, too, but he wasn't conceived yet.

Posted by namvetted at September 29, 2008 10:08 PM

I'm confused. A month ago, at the Republican convention, community organizers were a joke. Nobody could tell you what they did -- all we knew was that community organizers were feckless and pathetic.

Today, however, ACORN is apparently a powerful organization capable of bullying Congress, Wall Street, and anybody else who might stand in their way. They're so powerful, in fact, that they were able to bring the world economy to its knees by snapping their fingers and demanding loans.

I'm glad that was cleared up.

Posted by huh at September 29, 2008 10:17 PM

You know, it occurs to me that now is the best time to start building a viable third party. We're on the brink of an economic collapse and both parties sat on their hands when they could have done something, and now they're fiddling for the plebes while Rome burns. The partisan finger pointing must stop, etc. etc. See? It's a good argument against the system as it exists now, and I don't know if we'll see another time where both parties were so incredibly vulnerable. It doesn't even have to be entirely true, it just has to sound true to a populace that, on the whole, is already inclined to think the parties are irredeemably corrupt. All it would take at this point is some online startup sites to reach out to the disaffected but not quite disillusioned and start building a coalition, bit by bit. Obviously without several mil you're not going to be able to get a new, viable third party up and running before the election, but the job of gettting it into the public consciousness should start now. They really can't paper over this one, I predict lots of seats changing hands and some really contentious battles based on how the voters in each district/state feel about the bailout, and this is enough to throw the equilibrium of the system off enough that someone could blindside the two old monsters and make some gains in the next two years.

Posted by anonymouse at September 29, 2008 10:59 PM

I nominate Mike Gravel:

Posted by tony at September 29, 2008 11:43 PM

I nominate Mike Gravel:

Posted by tony at September 29, 2008 11:44 PM

i nominate myself. i am to blame for all the sorry mess. now can someone PLEASE give me 700 billion dollars? i'll take a down payment of just 1% and the rest in easy installments at an adjustable rate of interest...

(it was worth a try.. it's obviously worked before)

Posted by almostinfamous at September 30, 2008 07:16 AM

2. The Bleeding Heart Liberals, AKA The Joos

Jews are still liberals? Not in my family.

Posted by abb1 at September 30, 2008 10:32 AM

He forgot women! Women must be responsible for some of this mess! We always are! Dammit, why do we get left out again!!!!!

Very funny, Perlstein, except not (not Rick but the real ads and speeches). These are dangerous people.

Posted by catherine at September 30, 2008 12:41 PM

Posted by catherine at September 30, 2008 12:45 PM

He forgot women! Women must be responsible for some of this mess! We always are!

Don't feel left out. I'm pretty sure women are covered by the witches category.

Posted by Jonathan Schwarz at September 30, 2008 01:04 PM

Gosh, I included women in my suggestions for additional culprits.
What do women want, as Freud asked. All the blame?
OK No more Kinder-Kueche-Kirche, you're the reason man was expelled from the Garden and why things have gone downhill ever since. That good enough?

Posted by donescobar at September 30, 2008 02:33 PM

2. The Bleeding Heart Liberals, AKA The Joos

I don't buy this. While blatant anti-semitism was prevalent during a certain era in American life, and while the "Joos" used to be a favourite target of the American right, the Jews have long since been promoted to honorary whites after demonstrating how good they are at keeping those other "real" darkies in the Middle-East in line, and by doing so, have proven their usefulness to the American right, or at least, the elite and establishment segment of the American right as represented by the Wall Street Journal, right-wing think tanks and right-wing intellectuals who propagandize for empire and war and mass-murder of those Ay-rabs and Muslim "savages".

Posted by hv at October 1, 2008 11:28 AM

Yes, Donescobar, you mentioned women, but I brought the outrage. You weren't outraged enough.

Oh, clever, using the Nazi children/kitchen/church litany to subtly suggest that women are all in the Klan.

Men are the problem. Everyone has to recognize that or we'll never get anywhere.

Posted by catherine at October 1, 2008 01:25 PM

Men may well be the problem, but your reading the KKK into my Kinder...jest (slight, perhaps) tells me that your sense of humor may drwowning in your outrage. Anyhow, the Nazis preferred black to white dress-up, and burning books and people to burning crosses. Cheers.

Posted by donescobar at October 1, 2008 05:07 PM

yay for homosexuals! burn, baby, burn!!!

Posted by communist homosexual menace at October 4, 2008 02:31 PM